


I've never seen a mouth that I would kill to kiss

by kjstark



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Normal Life, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Past Drug Addiction, Past Relationship(s), Wedding Planning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 08:00:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 31,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25539922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjstark/pseuds/kjstark
Summary: The stranger smiles back and Rhodey considers that enough of a victory. “What’s your name?” he asks.Rhodey draws from his own cigarette before turning to the stranger again. “James,” Rhodey answers.The guy gives him a lopsided smile. “That’s gonna be easy to remember,” he says, before taking his hand out of his pocket and handing it out for him to shake. “I’m James,” he says and Rhodey blinks at him before finding it funny.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Past- Carol Danvers/James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Past- James "Bucky" Barnes/Helmut Zemo, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 18
Kudos: 61





	1. Part One: Of suffer zones and common names

**Author's Note:**

> I watched "Endings, Beginnings" and "Someone Great" within the same week and this was the result of that.
> 
> All the thanks in the world go to [ classicallysuperwholock](https://classicallysuperwholock.tumblr.com/) and [samati](https://archiveofourown.org/users/samati/profile), who helped me with the beta reading for this work. YOU'RE ABSOLUTE SUNSHINES💖

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING for an **explicit sex** scene around the beginning of this.

Life’s about the little steps. From holding your own head up to your first movements crawling, to standing up and falling until you walk. From talking to reading to writing. From pre-school to high school to college.

From falling in love to falling into your grave. 

Rhodey thinks about that as he draws a breath from his cigarette in the dead cold of the night and stuffs his hand inside his pocket. 

_‘You have to put yourself out there,’_ Tony had texted before saying he was missing Maria’s party. 

The little shit didn’t bother mentioning Carol was gonna be here before he ditched Rhodey and now he was trapped between bailing out like a loser or just staying here outside.

Still like a loser, but a different kind of one.

“Hey, you have another one?” he hears and turns to an absolute sight.

In a beige coat, it’s the most beautiful man Rhodey’s seen in a long while. Or maybe that’s just the scotch thinking.

“Yeah, here,” Rhodey replies serene but quick on his feet, getting the cigarette out of his pocket and handing it to the stranger.

“Thanks— do you have…” he trails before Rhodey takes the lighter out. The guy takes it and smiles, Rhodey’s feeling tipsy. “Are you enjoying the party?” he asks before he puts the cigarette in his mouth and Rhodey definitely does not follow the movement with his eyes, no.

“Oh, yeah,” he replies.

“Yes?” the stranger gets out with the cigarette between his lips as he lights it. He draws a breath and lets it out, looking the other way. “Is that why you’re all over here where _nothing_ is happening?” 

Rhodey nods and chuckles before he shrugs. 

The stranger smiles back and Rhodey considers that enough of a victory. “What’s your name?” he asks. 

Rhodey draws from his own cigarette before turning to the stranger again. “James,” Rhodey answers.

The guy gives him a lopsided smile. “That’s gonna be easy to remember,” he says, before taking his hand out of his pocket and handing it out for him to shake. “I’m James,” he says and Rhodey blinks at him before finding it funny. 

“Common name,” Rhodey says, shaking it.

“Damn right,” James agrees. He takes a sip of his drink and talks again: “So, how do you know these people?” 

“Oh, Maria’s an old friend,” he says and James does a little nod. “What about you?”

“I—really don’t, actually. I came with a friend,” James explains. “I was gonna stay at home and watch TV but there’s so much Cake Boss a man can marathon,” he jokes. 

Rhodey laughs through his nose a little. 

“You’re not drinking?” he asks, looking at Rhodey’s other empty hand. 

“I was, I just—I don’t really wanna go back inside to fetch my drink. That’s why I was standing here all by myself,” he says before he can help it.

James gives him a confused look. “You don’t wanna go back inside? Why? You’re hiding from someone?” he says, in good nature. 

Yeah, just the biggest love of his life dancing and laughing with her new girlfriend Jessica Drew. 

Rhodey just gives him a silent face and looks down. He’s not here to be talking about Carol; it’s been three months already. 

"All right, that’s that,” he says, taking a hint. “I just started to feel pain, listening to myself interrogate you," James adds, taking a little step away. 

"No, no, it's just that you're in my suffer zone," Rhodey replies, with a sympathetic face. 

"Oh, really? Is that what it is?" James asks, his eyebrows raised, and the smile untouched, gorgeous. He starts to walk closer to Rhodey again. 

"Yeah, it's kinda radioactive so—" Rhodey says but James is already standing next to him, resting against the same bricked wall.

"Proceed with caution," he says, opening his palms at Rhodey. "That's so cool, though,” he adds, low, his cigarette almost running out. “I'm always suffering everywhere. Would be great to just— keep it to a zone," James mutters, looking ahead. 

Rhodey smiles faintly. "Yeah? Well, you know, compartmentalization," he trails off, before tossing his cigarette to the floor and stepping on it. 

"Oh, big word. What are you? Secret agent, CIA?" James asks, an eyebrow arched. 

Rhodey tasks his tongue. "I couldn't tell you. Given the whole 'secret' part of it, you know," he says and James chuckles. "What about you?" 

James frowns with a hmm before he takes his last draw. "I'm a brainwashed, highly trained assassin," he says.

Rhodey raises his eyebrows at him, following along. "Really?" 

"Yep,” he says, and then he turns to face Rhodey from his side. “I'm actually on mission,” he adds and Rhodey can start to feel him way too close, so Rhodey barely looks at him, just arching an eyebrow in questioning. “Yeah, I have to bore you to death, see— how do you think I'm doing so far?" 

"Mmm, not very well, to be honest," Rhodey says, after taking a breath and making a face. 

"Yeah?” James replies, pretending he’s disappointed. “Okay. How do you feel about harmonicas because,” he taps on his jacket pocket. “I got one right here—"

Rhodey actually breaks out laughing. "Oh my god—"

"I’m pretty certain I can bore you real quick with it," James says, laughing too. 

"I swear, if you take a harmonica out of your pocket, I might just die of second-hand embarrassment," Rhodey says, pointing at James' pocket. 

James shakes his head, pressing his lips in a downward curve. "Nah, that wouldn't work. It has to be boredom," he says. 

Rhodey shrugs. "Oh, well."

"Ok, but what if—“ he says, suddenly different. His blue eyes match the balloons decorating the room. “I started talking about how great that jacket looks on you?" he says in a tone that’s a mix between sweet and filthy and Rhodey’s really forgot the last time someone actually flirted with him. 

Rhodey smiles slowly but bitterly; he’s not here for that. "Ugh, ok, listen. You’re attractive,” he says, and the guy’s face just completely shifts, Rhodey almost feels like he’s committing a crime. “But I'm a bit drunk and a lot miserable right now, like, my girlfriend of five years just broke up with me recently, and that's why I’m over here, all broody and alone." 

"I see..." James says, but he looks okay with it. 

"I was a little serious when I said I’m in my suffering zone," Rhodey adds, and James smiles again, only smaller this time.

"Right."

"I’m sorry," Rhodey says, not even knowing why. 

"Nah, I get it. Breakups are hard...” James complies, moving one shoulder. “My only concern is that I didn’t complete my mission," he adds. 

Rhodey closes his mouth to give him a flat, honest smile. "I’m sure you can find someone to bore in there," he says, pointing with his chin back to the rest of the party. 

"No, they'll bore me," he says. 

They look at each other in silence, with a weird kind of pull between them. 

Rhodey’s blaming it on the fact that he hasn’t gotten laid since Carol broke up with him three months ago. 

"Alright, I'm gonna go die," James says, raising his glass at him. “Hope I’ll see you later,” he says, before disappearing back into the party. 

~~

Bucky spots James again while he listens to Sharon talk about some film shit. “I’m telling you, the Cats movie is bordering on animal cruelty,” she says but he’s only looking at the brooding, mysterious-looking guy he met earlier. 

James makes a sign for the bartender to get him a drink and then raises it at Bucky before drinking. Bucky breaks into a smile. 

“And you’re not listening to me,” Sharon notices. 

Bucky shifts and looks at her. “I’m sorry.”

"It's fine," Sharon says, then she raises her glass and goes: "is he cute?" she asks, looking at what's behind Bucky instead. 

“He’s not looking anymore, you can turn,” he says.

“Oh, is it Leather Jacket over there?” Sharon asks once she spots him.

“Yep,” he says. James is just sipping on another scotch, looking around at the guests. 

“Well, he’s definitely got an interesting vibe going,” she says. 

“I know.” 

“Did you make a move yet?” she asks.

“I did.” 

“And?” 

“Crashed and burned,” he says. “He’s going through a break-up.”

“So? Rebound sex isn’t that bad,” Sharon comments. “Oh, he’s leaving the bar. Oops, bye. Good luck,” she says, before she leaves him, standing there alone in the crowded room.

James notices, however, and changes his course to walk over to him. 

“I see you haven’t been killed yet,” James points out. 

“And I see you’re inside again,” Bucky says. “Something changed?”

"Yeah, I left the suffering at my little zone outside," he says. "Plus, the people I was avoiding left, so…" he says, and takes another step towards. 

Bucky doesn't even try to hide his looking straight into James’ lips; it definitely helps that he's much shorter than Bucky. 

“Ah, here I was hoping you’d come back for me,” Bucky mutters, just looking down, before driving his eyes up to meet brown ones.

“You couldn’t be that lucky,” James says, but his voice is deep and it almost vibrates through Bucky’s whole body. 

Bucky moves one shoulder. “Well, sometimes I can be surprised at how lucky I get,” he says.

And a few hours later, he's having those lips sucking on his mouth like it's the only one they've tasted. Bucky opens his mouth to let his tongue out and he finds James had the same idea; it works. 

He tastes like cigarettes and alcohol, just like Bucky does. 

Bucky fumbles with the doorknob of his apartment, trying to gracefully put the key in without looking but the thing just won't give in. "—wait,” he breathes at James’ nose and they both crack a laugh. 

Bucky twists the key inside and pushes the door open. 

"Now…" he trails before he pulls James' hand and makes him crash against his chest. James puts his hands on his hips without a second thought, resuming to where they left off. "Wait, we're good, right? Like, you're good?" he stops to ask.

James lets out a soft breath as he smiles. “I only had like three glasses of scotch, relax. This is consensual,” he says and unprompted proceeds to take off Bucky’s coat with a single movement. 

Bucky puts his hands on James’ face as he travels his mouth with his tongue, stumbling across his room until he can feel the back of his knees hit the couch’s arm. 

He bends a little to sit but before he knows it, they're fully falling on it. Their teeth clash a bit as they both smile through their never-ending kiss until James slides a hand down his back to move him on the couch, so Bucky's properly lying on it.

James trails kisses across his jawline before he moves to roll his tongue on his neck while Bucky's just trying to reach as much of that ass as he can. 

“Is anyone gonna walk in on us?” James asks after leaving a trail from Bucky’s Adam’s apple to his mouth. 

"Nope. Roommate got engaged and moved out a few months ago," Bucky says, his eyes closed as James licks the back of his ear. 

“Great,” he says and then he’s pulling Bucky up to sit on his lap. Bucky puts his hands on the back of his neck, pulling him to another kiss as he grinds on him. James moves his hand across Bucky's back, caressing and pressing, before he breaks the kiss so he can pull the shirt off from him. 

Once the shirt is gone, James moves away from Bucky’s mouth to suck kisses on his collarbone, on his chest. He taps on one of his nipples with his tongue while massaging the other one with his thumb and Bucky throws his head back, nearly shivering in pleasure. 

It makes James smile and give him a tiny bite before he hugs Bucky's waist to shift again, lowering him back onto the couch. James gives him a peck before he sits on his legs, between Bucky's legs, and starts trying to pull off his pants. 

“I swear to God, it’s like they make ‘em tighter each day,” James says, laughing as he struggles to get them off Bucky’s hips, as he raised them high for James to pull. 

“It’s either that or my thick thighs,” he comments, smirking. 

James bites his lower lip. "Oh, they're fine, alright," he says, and smacks them before gently moving his hands again all the way up to Bucky's torso, until he lands on his face. He cups his chin and gives him an open-mouthed kiss that nearly left Bucky dizzy. 

Bucky starts to move his hands to get rid of James’ jacket first—he’s still wearing way too many clothes—, when James moves his knee just high enough to rub on Bucky's groin; Bucky sucks in a breath almost straight out of James’ lungs. 

It’s enough of an encouragement for the man to move his hands down Bucky’s body and cup his hard-on through the fabric. Bucky’s hips move upwards just seeking more touch. 

But James presses himself against Bucky once more, and this time James grinds against him, so Bucky can feel his bulge through his pants, too. He puts his hands on James’ ass and pulls and pulls and pulls— can’t get enough of that friction. 

Bucky’s about to run out of patience when James gets his hand between their bodies and into Bucky’s briefs, rolling his hand on his cock gently, slowly. Bucky cuts the kiss to press his lips together. 

“Tell me what you want,” James asks, dropping kisses on his neck as his hand works him off slowly.

“You. Undressed. About yesterday,” he says with a breathy laugh. 

James chuckles before pulling away, kneeling between Bucky’s legs and pulling his shirt off with one pull from the back. 

Bucky put his hands on James' chest, rubbing with his fingers across James’ pecs and his curly little hairs, just licking his own lips. 

He was about to go down and meet him again when Bucky pushed back, making him sit. "What?" James asks, watching curiously as Bucky stood from the couch to kneel in front of him. 

He moves his tongue across James’ belly button to his chest to back down again, Bucky’s eyes never parting from James’. James licks his lips as he watches Bucky attentively zips his fly open and kisses his cock through his boxers. 

Bucky wets his lips again just at the feeling of how hard James is underneath his clothes, and with a hard tug with both hands, he pulls James' pants and briefs altogether just enough for his cock to pop out, free and aching. 

He rolls the tip of his tongue across the back of James' cock without even using his hands—then down again, and he can feel it twitching under his care. James gasps, his breathing heavy.

Bucky shamelessly takes it in one go and doesn’t miss when James throws his head back, making a throaty noise, and puts a hand on Bucky’s head.

Bucky relaxes his mouth just enough to take him whole and hmm.

“Fuck,” James breathes, but his hand turns into a fistful of Bucky’s hair as he pulls him out slowly and then back and then out and then in and then out again.

Bucky grabs him then, working him up and down with one hand as he tries to pull off the rest of James’ pants with the other hand, one leg then the other. James almost laughs excitedly, kicking the last bit of his pants off. 

"Come here," he demands, pulling Bucky up from the floor to sit on his lap again. Bucky kisses him open-mouthed, James' own taste still on Bucky's tongue, and he can feel James' cock beneath his ass, almost throbbing. 

“Let’s hit the bed over there,” Bucky offers at James' mouth and James beams, before putting both hands on Bucky’s ass and pulling both of them up. 

The first thing he did after Steve moved out was re-design the apartment so his room was just across the living room. Yes, the perks of living alone. 

James places him on the mattress and finishes taking his briefs off, without parting from his mouth. He moves his hands over Bucky’s legs, his thighs, pressing on his knees so he’d bend them, wrapping his legs around James’ hips. 

They rub their bodies together, sucking on each other’s tongues, filling up the room with panting and body heat. Making it reek of sweat and sex. 

Bucky holds both of their cocks in his hand, rubbing them together and James moves along with Bucky’s pace. He twists his wrist three times before he’s biting on James’ shoulder. 

“I need to feel you inside me. Please, let me feel you,” Bucky pants into his ear, moving his hips forward so his cock would rub on James’. 

James opens his eyes and looks into his eyes, rolling a hand through Bucky's hair, turning wavy from the humidity. Then he smiles the softest smile Bucky's ever seen before he nods. 

Bucky props on his elbows and reaches for the bottle of lube in his nightstand and a condom. He hands them to James who rips the package open and rolls it on, then pours a handful of lube on himself. 

He kicks one of Bucky’s knees with his own for him to spread wider and Bucky lets his head fall on the pillow again, surrendering to the touches. 

James kisses his torso again, leaving trails of breathy, soft brushes of lips that burn Bucky to his core before he presses his tongue against Bucky’s entrance without the slight warning. 

Bucky’s cock moves in a reflex and James grabs it, smiling. He starts jerking Bucky off when he slides the first finger into him, easily. Bucky’s moving his hips upwards for more so James quickly picks up the pace. 

“You really are gonna have me begging for it, huh?” Bucky breathes half-amused, half-annoyed, his eyes closed. 

Bucky can feel James smile against his crotch, as he pushes three fingers in already. "A little bossy, are we?" James makes fun of him, before he takes his fingers out. He lowers his body onto Bucky's again, sliding a hand to Bucky's lower back. "Relax. I just want you ready for me," he whispers at Bucky's lips. 

“I’ve been ready since I saw you with that fucking leather ja—“ James moves the hand on Bucky’s lower back to pull him down on him, slowly entering him and Bucky’s mouth hangs open, as he adjusts. 

“You were saying?” James asks and Bucky shakes his head smiling. 

“Fuck you,” Bucky breathes. 

"Maybe next time," he replies before Bucky draws him back into his mouth and starts moving on him, to get more stimulation. James puts a hand around his neck and squeezes just a little, before nibbling his lip. "Good?" 

“Yeah. Make it better,” Bucky complies, and they both smile widely. 

James moves out slowly and thrusts back into him fast, ungracefully, needy. He puts his hands on Bucky’s hips and holds so tight it almost hurts, going in and out of him with a balanced rhythm. 

Bucky bends his knees more, so James can reach that sweet spot easier and with each thrust, Bucky's going blind with burning pleasure. 

James is pushing and pushing and he can only be put together for so long. "Fuck," James breathes into the arch of Bucky's neck, slowing down. 

Bucky shakes the sweat of his forehead before kissing him again, shifting positions so he’s now sitting on James’ cock. He puts his hands on James’ chest to prop his ass up and down his shaft, making James throw his hands on the mattress, curling up in fists on the sheets. 

Bucky lets his head fall back when he hits his right spot using James’ cock and then lets himself fall on top of him, chest to chest, with James' dick still moving and out of Bucky. “I’m close,” he mutters shakily. 

“Yeah,” James barely gets out. Then he wraps his arms around Bucky’s waist and Bucky wraps his arms around James' shoulders in return, holding onto him for dear life as James raises up his hips to thrust frenetically in and out of him. 

Every single movement sends a thousand electrical waves down his spine, but even between all their messy, shaky fucking, they manage to move at the same erratic rhythm. Until Bucky can’t take it anymore and, holding onto James in a hug, he spills between them. 

A second later, he feels James pulling out of him and fumbling to take off his condom before he comes all over Bucky’s cheeks.

Bucky opens his eyes just in time to see James blackout a little in his own orgasm. 

“Woah,” James says after he whistles beneath Bucky. 

He moves his chin to rest on James’ collarbone and looks up at him, opening his eyes again. “Hey, stranger,” Bucky says. 

James looks down and smiles peacefully. “Hi,” he replies. 

~~

Rhodey stretches slowly, feeling the soft sheets under him. He drags his hand to his face and rubs, before slowly opening his eyes.

"Morning," he hears and turns his head to find James bending over to drop a kiss on his lips. 

"Oh," Rhodey lets out, moving his head away afterward. "I have morning breath," he says. 

"Don't mind it. Want coffee?" James asks, offering the cup. 

"Yes, please," Rhodey says, opening his eyes comically, as he sits upright and grabs the mug from James' hand.

He sips and then breathes in the smell —coffee and pancakes— and then smiles at James before he leaves to the kitchen again.

Rhodey watches James go almost absent-mindedly, looking at his butt in boxers. He smiles to himself into the mug, going for another sip again when his eyes catch on the clock by the nightstand and he sees the time and date. 

"Shit!" Rhodey curses, jumping to stand from the bed. 

"What's wrong?" James comes back, a spatula in his hand.

"Uh— I—" Rhodey begins saying, moving around the place to find his underwear and pants and sliding into them. "I have this thing with my best friend that I'm already—" he checks the watch again. "Shit, that I'm already an hour late to," he explains, putting on his jacket. 

"Uh— hey," James says, pointing at his bare chest under the jacket. 

"Ah, shit," Rhodey curses again, taking off the jacket and looking around the living room, helpless. 

"Oh," James bends by the side of the couch. "Here," he says, handing Rhodey the shirt. 

He's almost gonna slide into it backwards, but he notices half-way and with a sigh, he puts it right, then his jacket. "I'm sorry for this," Rhodey says, walking up to James and kissing him. 

"S-sure," James says, between his lips. 

Rhodey nearly bolts out of the room. 

"Wait! You— left your wallet," James mutters, but it's already too late. 

The beautiful stranger has walked out of his apartment. 

~~

Rhodey makes it to the tailoring place in record time, considering New York's convoluted streets. 

“You’re an hour and a half late,” Tony says as soon as Rhodey runs in, almost panting. A lady's measuring up his leg. 

“I know. I'm sorry. I fell asleep,” Rhodey says, his palms open. He takes off his jacket and sits on the chair in front of where Tony's being fitted. 

“Honeybear, that’s so unlike you,” Tony says, moving to rest on his right leg as the woman moves to measure his left one now.

“You know, it’s bad luck for the grooms to see each other’s suits before the wedding,” the lady says, from the floor. 

“I thought that was strictly a straight people curse kind of thing,” Tony says, giving it a little thought. 

"Why is that your first answer— ma’am, I’m not the one he’s marrying,” Rhodey replies from the chair, addressing the woman with a smile. 

“Jeez, why do you get so defensive when people mistake us for a couple? What? You're scared people will think you’re gay?” Tony comments, hands on his hips. 

“Very funny,” Rhodey mutters. 

“Alright, let’s move on to his suit fitting, Anita,” Tony tells the lady, hopping off the floor he was standing. 

Rhodey stands up with a sigh and walks with Tony to the dressers.

He’s taking his shirt off when Tony asks from the other dressing room. “So, you’re gonna tell me what happened?” 

“What do you mean?” Rhodey asks, putting on his dress shirt. 

“You _reek_ of hook-up,” Tony says. 

Rhodey remembers a wet tongue moving down his throat and swallows. “Stop being nosy,” he says after a long second, starting to button the shirt. 

Tony slides the curtain open with a smiley, open mouth. “Platypus, I’m shocked,” he says, shaking his head. “Thought you said you were taking a break from the dating world,” he adds, crossing his arms.

Rhodey shrugs. “I am,” he says, fixing the wrist. “This is not that.”

"Oh, please," Tony scoffs and leaves to finish undressing. "You know you can't separate feelings from sex," he says through the wooden wall separating them. 

Rhodey takes offense in that. “What? I— resent that,” he says, moving to take off his pants. 

He can hear Tony moving out of his cubicle again. “Ok,” he says, sliding Rhodey’s curtain open again. “How many hook-ups have you had recently?” Tony asks, a finger up. 

"Ok, that's not fair. I just came out of a five-year relationship," Rhodey refutes, crossing his arms. 

“Fine. Before Carol,” Tony says, doing a motion for Rhodey to answer. 

Rhodey closes his mouth to think of an answer as he finishes putting on the dress pants. “Uhh…” he says, slowly putting on the dress jacket. “Oh, Shawn!” he says, pointing an open palm. 

Tony rolls his eyes as Rhodey exits his cubicle and walks over to where Tony was standing earlier, so the woman can start measuring him up. “Ok, first of all: the fact that you even remembered his name already rules out the whole hook-up aspect of the thing—“

“Oh, c’mon, you just don’t have sex with people you don’t even know the names of,” Rhodey points, narrowing his eyes at Tony. 

“You do if the sex is good,” Tony mutters, looking at Anita, who smiles amused. “See? She gets it.”

“I’m sorry,” Rhodey tells the lady. 

“Hey, it’s what we fought for in the sexual revolution,” she replies to him and Rhodey actually chuckles. 

“So, I’m sorry, but you can’t do it,” Tony says after a bit. 

Rhodey gives him a look and lets Anita finish with him, then he turns to look at himself. 

“You like it?” Tony asks from behind. 

“I mean, it’s black,” Rhodey comments, and Tony gives him a serious face. "It's nice, Tones," he says later, smiling dearly at his best friend. It really was. 

“You’re all done,” Anita says, patting his bicep. 

Rhodey smiles at her and goes back into his cubicle to change. 

“So, have you already thought of calling this person? White picket fence and all that?” Tony asks while Rhodey gets back into his clothes. 

Rhodey sighs as he exits. “Nope—and it’s a ‘he’, just so you know,” he says.

“Oh, we’re back on vitamin D?” Tony arches an eyebrow and Rhodey grimaces in reply. “How did that feel like?”

“Like I never left it,” Rhodey says, smirking. “Anyway, I wouldn’t even know how to contact him, I don’t have his number, anything,” he says. 

“Well, there are ways, I mean…“ Tony says, handing Rhodey his leather jacket from the chair he left it. “Social media, social circles—where’d you meet him?” 

Rhodey takes his phone out of his pocket to notice an email. “Uh—Maria Hill’s party last night,” he says, looking at his phone. 

“Well, she must know him,” Tony says. 

“Not really, he didn’t know her. He was there with a friend,” Rhodey replies, typing on his phone. 

“What are you, looking for him on Instagram right now?” Tony says, trying to look into Rhodey’s phone, but Rhodey had already locked it.

"As a matter of fact, I'm not," Rhodey says, stuffing his phone back in his pocket. "I just got an email from the real estate agency about signing the papers to the apartment today— so, you think we’re done here?” he asks.

“What? Yeah, but I told you we have that lunch thing with Steve and his best friend,” Tony says as they both sit to start putting on their shoes. “He’s been asking for days, he’s really excited about it.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yes. I thought he was trying to set you up with him. But I asked and he said no. He’s just really important to him,” Tony explains. 

“The guy who’s called ‘Bucky’?” Rhodey asks, making a face. 

Tony smiles funny in reply. “Yeah, I hear you. But you go by Rhodey, you know,” he says. 

“But I’m not the one who came up with it.”

“No, but you sure own it,” Tony refutes and Rhodey finishes tying shoes. 

“Well, I like having an original nickname,” he says, standing up from the chair. “What else are you gonna call me? ‘Jimmy’?” he mocks. 

“Jimbo,” Tony says, smiling, too. 

“Well, the signing thing is at 3 PM. I can go to your lunch thing if you promise we’ll be done by then,” Rhodey offers.

“Sure. I can even go with you, use that as an excuse to leave,” Tony says, low. They wave the lady goodbye as they make it to where Tony’s chauffeur is waiting. 

“You still don’t like the guy, huh?” Rhodey asks after he’s pushed the door and they’re out in the open. 

“There’s just this odd vibe between us. I don’t know what it is,” Tony shrugs before he slides into his car.

“Oh, I do. It’s called jealousy, and you’re an idiot for it,” Rhodey says before he jumps into the car. 

~~

“So, he’s still coming in and out of your apartment whenever he pleases?” Steve asks, after taking a sip of his water.

“I’ve decided they use ‘they’ pronouns. They’re non-binary,” Bucky says and Steve smiles amused as he nods. 

“You already named them, didn’t you?” 

“They’re called Alpine. They like it,” Bucky shares, turning to Steve with a smile.

Steve chuckles at him before he looks behind Bucky’s back. “Oh, you’re here. Hi,” Steve greets. 

Bucky decides to take a sip of water as he turns to meet their company.

If he chokes into the cup, at least he didn’t spit. 

In front of him, his beautiful stranger stands with a shocked face almost going pale.. 

“Oh, this is gonna be awesome,” Bucky mutters to himself after swallowing hard. James slides into the chair in front of him, trying to hide the fact that he's died a thousand times with each movement.

“Hey, babe,” Steve says, standing from his chair a bit to give his fiancé a kiss. 

“Hey,” Tony smiles into Steve’s lips.

All he can see is James staring at him without blinking. 

“Barnes,” Tony greets.

Bucky forces a smile on his face as he turns. “Stark.”

“Hi, Rhodey,” Steve says from his side, and for the first time since he sat, James blinks, turning to Bucky’s friend. 

“Uh—h, hi, Steve," he stutters. 

“This is my best friend. His name’s Bucky,” Steve says, putting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. 

Bucky doesn’t miss that opening. “Well, technically, it’s James but—“

“Seriously?” Stark interrupts to ask. 

“You thought my God-given name was Bucky?” Bucky says, frowning. 

“Well…” Stark trails, making a vague gesture. “But, no, wait, what does James have to do with Bucky?”

“My middle name, it’s Buchanan,” Bucky says, after he takes another drink, now wishing it was alcohol instead of water. 

“Well, Rhodey’s called James, too,” Tony says, with a smile, as he moves his head to Rhodey like he’s pointing at him.

Bucky raises his eyebrows comically. “You don’t say?” he says in a tone that’s way too fake. 

James—Rhodey just silently shakes his head. “Yeah…” he mutters.

“And where did Rhodey come from?” Bucky asks. 

“My last name. It’s Rhodes,” he replies. 

A young lady appears by their side, with a notepad and a smile. "Good afternoon, have you decided what you'll have?" she asks. 

Bucky takes the menu but almost doesn't even look at it. "Mmm. Not yet— but listen, whatever he and I order, can you just put arsenic into it so we can both die and avoid this very awkward lunch?" he asks her, joking. 

Rhodey smiles at the table before he looks up. "Yeah, or, two glasses of antifreeze, since we're not in the 1920s anymore. That'd work, too," he tells her, jokingly. 

Steve and Tony sit across each other with puzzled looks between them and their friends. “…Not yet. Come back in a few,” Steve tells the girl.

It takes one single look between Rhodey and Bucky for Stark to fit the puzzle.

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me— he’s the guy you fucked?!" Tony hisses.

Rhodey turns to him with glaring eyes. "Hey, what a nice day we're having at this _family-friendly_ restaurant," he says, almost like he's scolding Stark. 

"I can’t believe you slept with him," Tony comments. 

Bucky chuckles. "That's funny, Stark. That's exactly what I said to Steve when he told me about you," he says and Stark makes a mocking face at him. 

“Really?” Steve asks him. 

“What? I didn’t realize there was a rule or something…” 

Steve looks into his eyes with a mix of confusion and disappointment and amusement, but then he just shakes his head. "Ok. Nevermind. Can we just order and eat?" he asks.

“Yes, please,” Rhodey agrees. “I didn’t have anything for breakfast so I'm starving,” he says, looking at the menu. 

“Well, that was entirely your fault,” Bucky mutters, not looking at him either, but as soon as he finishes his sentence, he looks from the corner of his eyes to find the guy staring at him, shaking his head. 

They have their meals in a deafening silence until they finish. “Alright, this was fun,” Rhodey starts saying but his tone is dead, Bucky chuckles lowly. “ But I have to go.”

“Now, where did I hear that before?” Bucky says, looking at his plate. 

Rhodey gives him a sarcastic smile. “Are you coming with me or not?” Rhodey turns to ask his friend. 

“Where are you guys going?” Steve asks. 

“Oh, I’m signing the papers for an apartment I bought here,” Rhodey says while Tony pays the check. 

“So, you’re finally settling in New York?” Steve asks, encouraging. 

Rhodey moves a shoulder as Tony returns. “Well, my friends are here. My relationship crashed and died, so there’s no point for me to stay in California,” he says. 

Steve looks down and Bucky just gives him a quiet, softish look. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that,” Steve says. “I told Tony, I was very surprised to hear you guys broke up. I really thought Carol was the one,” he says. 

Tony lets out a breath. “Yeah, well, clearly he’s moving on now, so,” Tony says, pointing at Bucky vaguely. 

Bucky smiles tilting his head but it’s not a real smile. 

“Bye,” Tony says, turning to Steve to kiss him. 

Rhodey offers his hand hesitantly to Bucky and Bucky gives him a flat smile with a ‘really?’ expression. “Yeah, I know,” Rhodey agrees, letting his hand fall. “Alright, I guess—I’ll be seeing you,” he says but there’s a question. 

Bucky points at Steve and Tony next to them. “Obviously.” 

Rhodey does something that looks a lot like a smirk and Bucky would lie about it but he doesn’t hate the guy, not even a little bit. 

As soon as they’re out of the place, Steve gives him a little slap on the head. “Hey!” 

“You earned that,” Steve says, but he’s smiling. 

~~

Tony smacks Rhodey’s bicep when the door of the car is closed. “What?” 

“Barnes? BARNES?” he shouts. Rhodey hands the driver the address they gave him so he can set it on the car’s GPS.

“You yelling about it isn’t gonna turn back time and change what happened,” Rhodey says, looking at his phone. “Besides, I thought it was established that I didn’t know who he was,” he points out.

Tony scoffs. “I can’t believe I’ve been going out with Steve for two years now and you didn’t know what Barnes looks like,” he says. 

“I don’t see how that’s my fault,” Rhodey shrugs.

“Oh, please, who was fucking off to Europe with his girlfriend and never was able to make it to one of the parties we threw?” he says.

“You’re hearing yourself, right?” Rhodey asks vaguely. 

Tony just turns back to look out the window. “I’m not happy about this.”

“I can see that,” Rhodey concedes. “What I fail to see is what’s the big deal,” he wonders. 

Tony turns to him, narrowing his eyes. “Ok, let me ask you: you do this, then what's gonna happen if it goes south?” 

Rhodey opens his eyes comically. "Gee, I don’t know, Tony. What’s gonna happen?" he asks, in a fake concerned tone. 

"I’m gonna have to kill Barnes, Rhodey," Tony says, nearly serious. 

Rhodey breaks into a chuckle before he goes. "Ok."

“I’m serious. I'll murder him,” Tony says. “I don’t trust the guy; don't give me a legitimate reason to assault him." 

"Ok, well, you can relax because I'm not gonna see him again," Rhodey assures. 

Tony shakes his head. "You don't get it,” he sighs, then turns to Rhodey again. “Rhodey, you are. You're an integral part of my life. Barnes' an integral part of Steve's life. Hell, you're probably gonna be the godparents of our children," he says. 

Rhodey gives that a thought until they pull over as they arrive. "Ok, but, I'm not gonna try anything with him again, alright?" he offers. 

“You’re saying the knowledge that he’s Steve’s best friend has magically made him unattractive to you? Or was it how he went overboard with the Caesar salad dressing?” Tony asks, sarcastically. 

“No. It was the fact that he likes to call himself Bucky,” Rhodey says. 

“See, now you’re just lying to me,” Tony says. 

“You’re right, I’m not superficial like that. But listen—I was right when I said I’m not in a place to start dating again,” Rhodey says, quietly, before he exits. He waits for Tony to come out of the car, too. “And it’s not that I agree with you with the whole ‘I can’t do hookups’ thing, but, I just think it’d be awkward with Ja—Barnes,” he adds. 

“I’m glad we see things clearly,” Tony gives him.

Rhodey gives him a smile and then looks at the building’s entrance. “Wait, no—Williams, are you sure this is the place?” he moves to ask Tony’s chauffeur through the window. 

“It’s the address you put in the GPS,” he says. 

Rhodey closes his eyes. “No, no, no,” he mutters. 

“What? What’s wrong?” Tony asks and Rhodey’s covering his face with his hands when he hears:

“Well, this day just keeps getting better,” Bucky says, coming from their left side, a helmet in his hand. 

"You should sell this shit to Fox or something. I'm sure it would make a great rom-com," Tony comments with a serious face. 

“You know, I hate that he’s right,” Bucky mutters to Rhodey as he passes by them and opens the door. “So, I assume your new apartment is in this building?” Bucky asks as they follow him to the elevator. 

“Yeah,” Rhodey answers as they get inside. “It’s on the—“ Bucky presses the ten button. “Tenth floor…”

Tony sighs loudly. “Isn’t this just amazing…” he mutters between them. 

“So, you got old man Hoffman’s apartment?” Bucky asks. 

Rhodey shrugs. "I don't know, I got it all settled with an agency," he says.

Bucky nods. "Right, right,” he says. “I mean, I'm sure they already cleaned all the blood," he mutters, moving one shoulder. 

Both Tony and Rhodey turn to him with a frown. 

"Oh, yeah— they didn't tell you?" Bucky asks. "The guy who lived there killed his wife and child," he explains, but there's a look in his eyes. "Sometimes I can still hear the baby cry," he adds, looking to the front, a faint smirk breaking on his lips. 

Rhodey looks down to hide his smile. 

"Oh, stop it, you two. He's not funny," Tony mutters, hitting Rhodey in the arm before he exits once the elevator door is open. 

Rhodey gives Bucky a glance before he follows after his friend.

The door to his soon-to-be apartment is open and they go inside without further thought, although Rhodey still turns to watch Bucky disappear into his own condo. 

"Mister Rhodes," he hears the real estate agent call for him, her hand stretched out.

"Uh, hi," he greets, shaking her hand. They're just standing right at the entrance of the place. 

She moves her head for him to follow her further inside, into the living room. The kitchen's right next to it; no wall separating both rooms, only a big kitchen island with three stools. 

The living room is gorgeous. Peacefully lit by the big windows at the back, where New York's skyline is turning a pretty shade of peach orange and pink as the sun starts to set. The wooden floor is black, matching the shades of black and dark grey of the furniture, and the walls are white and cream white. 

There's a silver lamp in the back corner, a shelf with a few picture-less frames to the right, and a dark brown coffee table. 

"The place comes with all this?" Tony asks, looking around.

"Yeah, it's how he wanted it on the app," the woman says with a smile. 

Tony makes an impressed face. "I told you they were cool," Rhodey tells him.

"And, uh, about the previous owners?" Tony asks and Rhodey gives him a look. "What? I have to make sure."

"He was an old man. Writer. He moved upstate at the request of his family. Had a few cats so we had to fumigate, just in case. Then, of course, we redid the whole place," she says. "Plus, this is one of the apartments with the greatest views in the building, I'm sure you'll love this place," she says, smiling at them. "It's great for young couples that are just starting up their lives together."

Tony turns to him with a wide smile. "That's the second time today," he mutters to Rhodey, batting his eyelashes. 

"I know," Rhodey says, looking back at him. "He's just my best friend," he tells the woman. 

Tony scoffs. "He's afraid people will realize he's gay. Well, technically bi," he says. 

Rhodey just shakes his head. 

"And I'm getting married. He just got out of his longest relationship. Got dumped," he adds, just to be a little shit. 

"And that's more information than you asked for," Rhodey says to the lady, with a fake smile. "Let's just sign the thing, shall we?" he asks her, motioning with his hand for her to hand him her binder. 

Rhodey signs the papers with only a tiny tug in his heart. He wasn't supposed to be doing this alone. 

"Enjoy your new apartment," the woman says, offering him the keys. 

Tony waves her goodbye and closes the door after she leaves. “So…” Tony says, making his way over to where Rhodey’s standing. 

“You like it?” Rhodey asks, crossing his arms. 

“Yeah, I think it’s pretty nice. You could use better neighbors, though,” Tony replies. 

Rhodey wants to roll his eyes. “Are you still on that?” 

“I don’t know. Are you still on that?” he says, raising his eyebrows. 

“I told you, I don’t want any trouble. I swear, I’m not gonna try anything again,” Rhodey says. 

But after Tony’s gone, that becomes a flat-out lie.

Because the first thing he does is walk back to Bucky’s apartment and knock on the door. 

"Hey, neighbor," he says, smiling openly, resting against his door frame. 

Rhodey stuff his hands in his pockets. "So, listen," Rhodey starts, then takes a deep breath as he looks at him. "I'm sorry."

Bucky nods at him, accepting it. "It's fine. You had to go suit fitting, right? Steve said something," he says, moving a hand around.

"Yeah," Rhodey replies and there's that smile again. Rhodey can't remember the last time he felt that helpless about someone's dimples. "So, I— uhh, I just wanted to say that..." 

Bucky waits a little bit for him to add something else but two seconds run out and there's nothing else other than staring. "And, I'm glad you did," Bucky assures. 'And I would love for that to happen again', however, gets stuck in the back of his throat. 

Rhodey nods slowly. "So...right. It's late and I just realized I don't have any groceries so, I better go..." he trails, starting to walk away. "Buy— things," he finishes. 

Bucky raises his eyebrows at that, remembering something. "Wait." He goes inside his apartment for a few seconds and then returns. "You're probably gonna need this," he says, and he hands Rhodey his wallet. 

Rhodey widens his eyes, surprised. He hadn't even noticed he didn't have it on him. "Thanks," he says, taking the wallet from Bucky, and letting out a little embarrassed chuckle. 

He turns and starts walking to leave when Bucky speaks again. "You know, if ya' want— if ya' want," Bucky repeats, looking cool at Rhodey's eyes when he turns back. 

Then Bucky licks his lips and that's an invitation on its own, as far as Rhodey's concerned.

"I still got a bit of mix for my pancakes, you know, if you'd wanna have that for dinner," James offers. 

Rhodey smiles widely before he takes the hint, and takes one single step to push himself against those lips again. 

~~

"That was great," Rhodey breathes at the pillow, with a goofy smile on his face.

Bucky kisses his shoulder blade before he falls next to him on the bed. "I know. I make great pancakes," he says, raising his eyebrows. 

Rhodey laughs and props himself up to kiss him again before he flips on his back and rests his head on his hand on the pillow. He looks down at his feet, moving them, as he goes quietly: "Listen—"

"Oh, no. Is this the part where you dump me?" Bucky asks, acting all dramatic, with his hand in his chest. Rhodey quirks an eyebrow at him but he's smiling. "Relax. I know what you're gonna say," Bucky says before he moves out of the bed to dump his condom in the trash can.

Then Rhodey just lies down, watches Bucky go to the bathroom to get a towel, and then back to bed to clean Rhodey's torso. 

"Stark can't know about this," Bucky says, and he sounds okay with that.

But Rhodey grabs Bucky’s hand on his chest before he can move and looks into his eyes. "Yes, sure, that. If he knows, he'll freak. And I can't have him freaking out six months before his wedding. But it's not just that, James," he says. 

"It's Bucky," he says with something like a lopsided smile. 

"I liked James," Rhodey says instead. 

Bucky gives him a look. "Oh, I'm sure you did," he says, but then he runs his free hand through his hair. "But if we're gonna be fuckbuddies, it's gonna be Bucky. I'm sorry, those are my rules," he says, shrugging. 

Rhodey lies there, a little startled. 

"Wasn't that what you were going to say?" he asks but there's something about how sure of himself he was that makes Rhodey almost wish he wanted something else. 

Something more.

"Yeah," Rhodey replies, pulling himself together. "Yes. I— can't do complicated right now. I told you, I just—"

"Came out of a long term relationship, I remember," Bucky finishes for him. "Look, it's fine. I can separate Church from State," he adds with a shrug. 

"So, we're cool?" Rhodey asks. 

Bucky moves his hand from Rhodey's grip to toss the towel with perfect aim into his laundry bin by the corner and then he puts himself on top of Rhodey. "We're super cool," Bucky says, inches away from his chin. 

Then he hears a stomach rumble and he's not sure if it's him or Bucky. 

"You know, eating before we had sex probably wasn't the best idea. I feel like I burned all of it down," Bucky comments, narrowing his eyes.

"Well, it's not like having sex without eating before would've been better," Rhodey says. 

Bucky rests his chin on Rhodey's chest and looks up at him. "Wanna order in?" he asks. 

"Yeah," Rhodey replies. 

"Pizza or Thai?" Bucky asks, moving to grab his phone from the nightstand. 

Rhodey considers it for a split second while Bucky looks through his phone, and then they look at each other. 

"Pizza," they say in unison. 

~~

Bucky wakes up at the movement of Rhodey adjusting his head on the pillow, starting to wake up. Bucky looks up at him and Rhodey only barely opens one eye to notice. 

"Good morning," Rhodey says, closing his eyes again. 

"Morning," Bucky replies and holds on tighter, pressing his cheek against Rhodey's pec. "I don't wanna get up," he mutters, his eyes closed, too. 

Rhodey runs a hand through his back. "Well, do you have to?" 

For a whole minute, Bucky doesn't even think about Rhodey's question, far too comfortable and sleepy. But then he realizes.

It's a fucking Monday morning again.

His eyes pop open and he rises to look at the watch on the nightstand. "Oh, fuck," he curses and gets up fast. "I gotta go to work," he explains before he runs to his closet and starts fetching his clothes. 

Rhodey rubs his eyes as he sits on the bed, amused. "The...trained assassins’ academy?" he asks. 

Bucky stops his rush for a second to give him a look before he smiles. "I'm a graphic designer. I work at a local magazine. With Steve," Buck says. 

Rhodey raises his eyebrows, taking in the information. Then Bucky's off running into the bathroom. 

Rhodey hears the water tap open and he yawns, then looks ahead at the kitchen, far to the back left. "Oh, hey, Bucky," he calls, but then realizes Bucky probably can’t hear him well so he stands and walks over to the bathroom. He peeks his head into the room and sees Bucky soaping himself. "Hey, you mind if I make us some coffee?" he asks. 

Bucky wipes the water off his face, shaking his head. "Oh, no. Please do. That'd be great. The coffee machine is right there in the counter and everything is labeled," he explains. 

Rhodey goes to the kitchen and starts making coffee, noticing a picture of Bucky and Steve as teenagers attached to the fridge. Then one with a brunette woman that has the same eyes as Bucky does, and Rhodey smiles at that one. 

“Hey,” Bucky says, coming into the kitchen minutes later, buttoning his plain bright cyan shirt. Rhodey hands him the coffee with a smile. “Thanks,” he says, taking a sip. 

Rhodey grabs a cup for himself and drinks, too. 

"What about you? Does the CIA not give their agents time for signing in?" Bucky asks into his mug and Rhodey laughs softly. 

“I’m not actually a CIA agent,” Rhodey says. 

“I know,” Bucky replies with a soft look. “You have a degree in aerospace engineering but you’re a private pilot—and before that, you spent a few years in the Air Force Academy,” he adds, frowning a little, his tone sounding more like he’s asking. 

Rhodey still stands silent and surprised.

Bucky breaks into a smug smile, then. “It’s part of the assassin training. I have to brief my target,” he says and Rhodey just frowns deeper. “C’mon, Stark talks about you all the time,” he finally explains.

“Ahh,” Rhodey nods. 

Bucky moves a bit closer to him. “Yeah. All about his awesome best friend Rhodey. How funny Rhodey is. How good. How charming,” he says, making a face with each thing he’s listing, as he takes more steps towards Rhodey. “You know, I thought he was exaggerating—“ he says, before he puts his arms around Rhodey’s neck. “But now I’m thinking maybe he sold you short,” he says, low, at Rhodey’s lips. 

“Stop fawning over me,” Rhodey says but he doesn’t move his face away, so Bucky just tilts his head a bit down and drops a quick kiss on his lips. 

“Fine. But this _is_ great coffee,” Bucky says, raising his cup at Rhodey's face. 

He moves to pour himself more coffee then and Rhodey sighs. “Now, I feel bad that the only I know about you is that your name’s Bucky—“

“Nickname,” Bucky corrects him before taking another sip. Rhodey makes a serious face at him. “Mmm,” he says, pressing his lips together as he licks them. “It’s fine. Sometimes it’s hard to have a personality around Steve, anyway. Especially when it’s Stark who’s looking," Bucky jokes, looking down on Rhodey. 

Rhodey scoffs a laugh at that and Bucky does, too. 

“Alright,” Bucky says, checking his watch and moving to put on his coat. “Listen, I guess you still don’t have food in your apartment, so, you can raid the fridge, you know, take whatever you want, okay?” he offers, pointing at the fridge just as he makes his way to the door. “Also, there’s a spare pair of keys in that bowl over there. You lock when you leave and then I’ll go get the keys when I come back later today, sounds good?” he asks Rhodey, as he points to the bowl on the kitchen table. 

“I’ll probably leave in a minute, anyway,” Rhodey says. 

Bucky opens his hand and with the other one, he pulls the door open. "I'm not saying you have to leave right now. Have breakfast, have a shower. I'll see you later, alright?" 

Rhodey nods with a smile and he feels the cold of the city creep into him through the wooden floor to his bare feet but he's not sure if it's the smile Bucky gives him before he leaves or the coffee he's drinking that makes Rhodey feel warm inside, all of the sudden. 


	2. Part Two: Of hickeys, pasts and IKEA furniture

Bucky makes it just fifteen minutes late to the usual daily morning meeting but once he gets inside the office, he notices everyone’s going on about their day as usual so he just slides into his cubicle, silent. 

As soon as he’s in, Steve turns in his seat: “You’re late,” he mutters. 

“I know,” Bucky sighs. “Did Nick notice?” he asks, looking over just slightly to see if he can find their boss. 

“Nope. Natasha stalled the whole morning meeting talking to him about her government investigation article,” Steve comments. 

Bucky puts his bag and the Starbucks coffee on his table. “Jeez, she’s still on that? That’s what journalists get killed for, you know?” he says, concerned. 

“I told her that, but she’s got her mind set on it. Plus, you know she can take care of herself.”

“Mmm, not from snipers, she can’t,” Bucky deadpans. 

“What happened to you?” Steve asks, looking up at him from where he’s sitting.

Bucky lets out a breath. “Oh, I was up late catching up with the last Drag Race episodes,” Bucky says, taking off his coat and putting it on the back of his chair. 

Now that his coat is gone, the collar of Bucky’s shirt is short enough to show his neck.

Steve looks down to hide his grin but Bucky’s not even paying attention as he sits in his chair, still going: “I’m still sad for Heidi. I’m gonna miss her, she was funny as hell—so, I fell asleep at, like, two, and I guess I got stuck in bed this morning,” Bucky explains. 

Steve nods and unlocks his phone, tapping on the camera and setting it front-facing. “Mmm, and the bed gave you a hickey?” he asks and when Bucky turns to him in surprise, he holds up his phone for Bucky to use as a mirror. 

Bucky looks at his little love mark through the phone and curses under his breath; Steve just chuckles softly in reply. 

Bucky pulls the edge of his collar up to hide it but it brings more attention to his neck, even. Steve’s still smiling. “Alright. Whatever,” Bucky gives up. 

“You’re lying to me. Why? You never lie to me,” Steve says, eyeing him. 

Bucky gives him a look before he lets out a deep breath. “Because I know how you can get,” he says.

“What?” 

“All up in my business. Planing a double wedding, buying the house next to yours in the suburbs,” Bucky replies, moving his hand around. 

Steve opens his mouth, offended. “I don’t do that,” he says. 

“Were you or were you not trying to set me up with someone just yesterday?” Bucky accuses. 

Steve zips his mouth closed, defeated. Bucky turns to his computer to start working on Scott’s sports section. 

“Alright, but, in my defense, you did end up sleeping with him, so, I wasn’t way off,” Steve says a beat later. 

Bucky thinks about Rhodey’s soft morning lips and sips his coffee to shake the thought. “By the way, does Stark know you tried to set me up with him?” he asks and then turns to face Steve “—because the lil’ guy _hates_ me, Steve.”

Steve gives him a look like he’s almost in pain. “No. I told him you were just so important to me, I couldn’t believe Rhodey didn’t know you. Which— is not untrue,” he adds, raising a finger. 

Bucky just laughs silent and goes back to his work. 

“So, this hickey guy—you’re seeing someone, then?” Steve asks. 

Bucky rolls his eyes. “No, Steve— see, that’s what I mean.”

“What? I’m just asking a question,” Steve remarks.

Bucky’s long since learned that quietness can go a long way with Steve. Or not. 

Especially not when Steve’s got his mind fixed on something. “You think you’ll see him again?” Steve pokes again. 

_‘God, I hope so,_ ’ Bucky thinks but what he ends up saying is: “I don’t know. Maybe, maybe not.” 

“And what about Rhodey?” Steve asks. 

Bucky can’t mask his smile. “What about him, Steve?” Steve just raises his eyebrows at him. “Stark told you he moved into my building, didn’t he?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, did he tell you that if I go anywhere near his best friend he’s gonna maim me?” Bucky asks him, turning his back on him. 

“Tony’s not gonna hurt you,” Steve says. 

“You didn’t see the look he was giving me,” Bucky mutters.

"Nevermind Tony— you don't like Rhodey anymore?" he asks. 

Bucky tries not to think about the fact that for all he knows Rhodey's cooking himself breakfast in Bucky's apartment as he speaks. "I don't know." 

"Bucky—"

“What? Why is this so important to you?” Bucky shoots off, maybe a little too aggressively.

Steve shifts suddenly, retreating into his seat to sit properly and turns to his computer. "It's not," he says later but Bucky's mastered the ability to smell Steve's bullshit for years now. 

“Steven Grant Rogers,” he calls and drags his chair to spin Steve on his own. “What?”

Steve's eyes travel from the floor all the way to Bucky's face. “You're gonna mock me,” he says, giving him a straight face. 

Bucky chuckles. "See, now that automatically makes me wanna mock whatever you'll say next," he says and Steve just sighs and tries to turn back again. "What is it?" Bucky tries again, amused. 

"I just think he'd be good for you, alright?" he says, loud, almost annoyed. "I think you'd be great together," he adds, lower this time. 

Bucky raises his eyebrows. "'Great'?" 

"Well, yeah. I mean, Rhodey's fun, he's smart— and he's kind, Bucky," Steve says, a little too softly. "I just think you deserve someone who's good like that." 

Bucky looks at Steve attentively and just smiles. "That's nice— now, why would I mock you for saying that?" he asks. 

"Because I get all soft and you— you think no one is able to love you so the sole idea is laughable to you," Steve says. 

"Wow, okay? Are you talking to Dr. Garner on Facebook again or something?" Bucky asks. 

"I'm serious, Buck." 

Bucky looks at Steve and wets his lips, getting serious. "I'm fine, Steve," he says, and it's pretty much true. "Listen, in a few months, I'm gonna be four years sober and with Dr. Andrew— I've been making real progress, I swear," he says.

"Yet you still haven't had a real relationship since— him," Steve says, grimacing at the third person pronoun. 

Bucky smiles. "You can say his name, he's not Voldemort."

“Well, I don't wanna say his name. I don't even wanna talk about him, I—” Steve cuts himself off. 

"You're glad he's dead?" Bucky asks, still amused. 

Steve shakes his head. "Don't be like that."

"What? It's my traumatic experience, I can joke about it if I want to," Bucky says. 

"Well, I'm not sad about it. But I do know what that cost you, so," Steve says, simply. "Look, I just want you to be happy, okay?" 

Bucky blinks slowly at him. "I am happy, Steve. Here, I have a hickey to prove it," Bucky says, raising his chin for Steve to see again. 

Steve pushes Bucky's face away, letting out a soft laugh, and they both turn to their computers. "Casual sex doesn't make you happy and you know it. It's just a release," he mutters later. 

Bucky glares at him. "Ok, you want me to ask Rhodes out, yes? That's it?" 

"Not if you don't want to, obviously," Steve says. 

"And if I wanted to?"

"Do you want to?"

“In the hypothetical realm of questions— if I were to pursue something with Stark's best friend, you would be—”

"Supportive," Steve interrupts. 

"Mmm, more like ecstatic," Bucky corrects. 

"I’d be _okay_." 

"You are aware Stark's gonna scream for three hours straight, right?" Bucky asks, tilting his head towards Steve.

Steve smiles too widely. "You take care of Rhodey, I'll handle Tony."

Bucky narrows his eyes at his best friend. "That's all you wanted to say, wasn't it?" 

“Yep.” Steve admits triumphantly and then moves back to his work. 

~~

Rhodey supports the heavy box on one leg against the wall while he tries to get the key from his back pocket but the weight makes it lose its balance on Rhodey's thigh so it starts to slip. 

"Oh, oh," Bucky says, coming from his side and holding it from falling. 

"You're here," Rhodey smiles. 

"Hi, there," Bucky greets, adjusting the box again so Rhodey can hold it with both hands. 

"Thanks— I just, I have a thing with my hip,” Rhodey says. 

“Yeah?”

“You didn’t notice?” Rhodey quirks an eyebrow. 

“Well, I was a little distracted,” Bucky jokes. 

Rhodey smiles at him. “Yeah, I, uhm, I injured myself in a training exercise. It’s why I was discharged. It’s not a big deal, just gets a little painful when I walk for too long or carry things too heavy,” he explains. 

“— Want me to get that for you?” Bucky’s quick to say. 

“No, it’s fine. Can you get the keys from my pocket?" he asks and Bucky does as told, swinging the door open for him. "Come on in," Rhodey tells Bucky, standing behind him, as he puts the box in the living room.

Bucky closes the door behind him and takes a few steps inside, making an impressed face. “This— this doesn’t look like the place of someone who just moved in,” he says, standing next to Rhodey, looking around the room. 

Rhodey huffs. “Yeah, I had the real estate people furniture the place. Of course, I had to pay extra. But I mean,” Rhodey points around. “If you look closely, there’s nothing really mine here, no pictures, anything. It has no personality yet,” Rhodey says, hands on his hips. 

Bucky moves one shoulder. “Well, neither do I, so, I couldn’t tell,” he says. 

“Stop,” Rhodey laughs and moves to the kitchen, tapping on Bucky’s shoulder on his way. “Want anything? I got my groceries early today; got juice, milk, water, beer,” Rhodey offers, looking into his fridge. 

“Water’s fine,” Bucky says. 

Rhodey hands Bucky the glass and then goes to serve himself orange juice while Bucky drinks. “Good day at work?” he asks, trying to be casual. 

Bucky swallows and nods. “Yeah, it was fine. Boss didn’t notice I arrived late— but hey, I kinda wanted to ask you something,” he trails.

Rhodey moves his eyebrows in response while he drinks some more of his juice. 

“So, this whole, ‘Stark can’t know we’re hooking up’ thing— is it just Stark or does it apply to everyone?” Bucky asks. “Because, this was kinda hard to explain this morning,” he adds, moving towards him and moving his coat collar to show Rhodey his neck. 

Rhodey chuckles into his glass, a little surprised. 

“Yeah…” Bucky mutters, amused. 

“I’m sorry,” Rhodey struggles to say, covering his mouth with his fist and trying not to choke. 

“It’s fine. It’s not like I’m opposed to it. Just— you know, I kinda had to lie to Steve today, and I don’t really do that, so,” Bucky says, looking down at him. 

“You wanna tell him?” Rhodey asks instead.

Bucky takes a breath. “Not so much as tell him, just— if he asks, I don’t wanna have to make up some guy,” he says. “But then again, he can get a little…”

“Fixated?” 

“Obnoxiously so,” Bucky adds. “But he’s still my best friend, you know?” 

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Rhodey says, making a face.

“Stark gets up in your business, too?” Bucky asks, standing in front of Rhodey resting against the kitchen island. 

“You kidding? It’s like his second job,” Rhodey answers, and they both chuckle. “Listen, like I said, I just don’t want Tony to get stressed out over something stupid this close to the wedding, but I also don’t wanna put you in any uncomfortable situation with your friend, so…”

“Well, I mean, I can just tell him not to tell Stark,” Bucky says. 

“And you think he can do that? Like Steve’s able to just keep things from Tony?” Rhodey tries to joke but Bucky gives him a look.

“Do you really want me to answer that?” Bucky says, narrowing his eyes a bit.

Rhodey mimics the look. “You know what? I probably don’t. Let’s just leave it,” he says. 

Bucky smiles at him. “You know, he seems to really like you.”

“Steve?” 

Bucky does a single nod. “Yeah, he said some things about you today,” he shares. 

“I thought you told him it wasn’t me,” Rhodey wonders. 

“I did. He was just talking about our lunch. Which definitely was an attempted double-date, by the way,” he says, pointing an open palm at Rhodey. 

“What’d he say?” Rhodey asks, tilting his head. And there’s a glint in the brown of his eyes and a spark to his tiny, interested, little smirk that Bucky feels something fluttering inside him. 

He won’t say it but he likes that feeling. Thought he had forgotten it. 

“Oh, well, he—“ Bucky says, wetting his lips and taking one big step into Rhodey’s space. “He said he thought we’d be great together,” he says, low, at Rhodey’s face. 

Rhodey’s eyebrows rise comically and he lifts his chin, impressed. “Great, huh?”

Bucky nods. “Yeah. But, you see, I have this thing with my memory— it’s not very good,” he says, putting his arms around Rhodey’s neck. “Kinda started forgetting if he was right,” he adds.

“Mmm, really? Need me to refresh your memory?” Rhodey mutters at his lips and Bucky moves his nose to rub on Rhodey’s as an invitation. 

Rhodey kisses him soft and— safe, secure. No hesitation or doubt, no unnecessary aggressiveness or need. Just a firm ‘I’m here and I want this’. 

“Yeah, it’s all coming back now,” Bucky says, parting a little. Rhodey laughs at his chin and puts his hands around Bucky’s waist, just holding. “So, have you unpacked the bed yet?” he asks, resting his forehead against Rhodey’s.

Rhodey bites his lower lip. “You bet.” 

~~

“This feels really nice,” Bucky says later, his head resting on the pillow. 

“It should. It was expensive as hell,” Rhodey replies. 

“What are they made of?” Bucky asks, burying his head.

“Cotton, microdenier fiber and shredded Talalay latex,” Rhodey answers swiftly and Bucky turns to give Rhodey a look and he just replies with a shrug. “I looked it up my first night using them,” he explains.

Bucky narrows his eyes slowly then, staring at the ceiling. “Are these one of those pillows that costs two hundred dollars or something?” 

“It’s actually one hundred and forty-nine,” Rhodey says.

Bucky turns to look at him again. “You paid all that for a pillow?” 

“Hell, no. They were a gift from Tony,” Rhodey says and Bucky opens his mouth in an 'o'. 

“Oh, right. I forgot you have a filthy rich best friend. Damn, Steve really hit the jackpot,” Bucky mutters.

Rhodey chuckles before he sits and taps Bucky's inner thigh. “Hey, you want dinner before you go?” he asks. Bucky lets out a satisfied breath and nods. 

"Everything’s been sex and food with you. It’s like I’m living a fantasy,” Bucky comments before Rhodey smiles at him and slides into some shorts and out of the room. 

Bucky lies there completely relaxed for a while, just looking out the window where New York's shiny lights cover the otherwise dark night sky. Rhodey really got a good deal with this view. 

He shrugs on his briefs and walks out, finding Rhodey quick on his feet, working in the kitchen. 

“Can I help you with anything?” Bucky asks, hands behind him. 

Rhodey raises his head to see him and then looks around for something for Bucky to do. He grabs a knife and is about to hand it to him before he goes: “Do you know how to chop?” 

Bucky smiles at him and walks into the kitchen to take it from him. “I'm a thirty-one-year-old man; what do you think?” he asks, rhetorically, and scoots Rhodey over at the kitchen island. 

“Well, Tony’s older than you and there— have been some incidents,” Rhodey says, making a face. 

Bucky looks upfront. “Why am I not surprised Stark can't fend for himself? He and Steve really are made for each other,” he mutters. 

“What do you mean?” Rhodey asks. 

“Steve can't cook to save his life.” 

“No…” Rhodey whispers in surprise.

“I'm serious. The guy can burn water,” Bucky says. 

“I believe that’s called boiling,” Rhodey refutes. 

“Nope, no. It’s evaporating. And I’m not being funny, Rhodey, I'm telling you the absolute, literal truth," Bucky says, raising the knife like it's his finger. Rhodey laughs a little. "It was a nightmare.” 

“I know what you mean. If it was left up to Tony, our college years would’ve consisted of a coffee and burnt French toast diet,” he says. 

“I pity their children," Bucky adds and Rhodey looks at him, nodding in agreement. “—So what do I do with this?” 

“Oh, just slice these up," Rhodey says, handing him a few tomatoes. "I’m making my special crispy chicken sub with honey mustard,” he says, raising his eyebrows. 

“Yum,” Bucky replies, smacking his lips. 

They're eating quietly on the kitchen island when Bucky licks his fingers and puts his sub down to ask: “So, how does your job work? You don’t have to go every day, no check-in hour?”

Rhodey swallows before he goes on to explain. "I get hired for each flight gig. Sometimes it's just one, sometimes it's many. So I spend a few days home but then I'll be gone flying for an entire week, and so on, and so on," he says. 

Bucky nods and takes another bite of his food. "So, you come and go—that’s gotta suck for a relationship. Is that what happened with you and— Karen, was it?" Bucky asks. 

"Carol," Rhodey corrects him. He looks down at the table and wets his lips before he goes: “And, to be honest— I still don’t know what happened. Carol’s a pilot so it wasn’t my job, she understood that. It’s just, I swore we were fine and then one day, she looked at me, and I knew,” Rhodey says, his voice low. 

Bucky’s just staring silently at him. 

“I knew she wasn’t in love with me anymore,” Rhodey finishes, smiling bitterly at the table. 

“You still love her?” Bucky asks but it sounds like an affirmation. There’s not a hint of any odd feelings about it either; he doesn’t sound offended or hurt that Rhodey’s hung up on someone. He sounds open and receptive. 

Rhodey smiles at him but only faintly. “I think she’s my soulmate, you know,” Rhodey says, like that sums it up. It’s not that he believes in that wholeheartedly, but there’s no other word that fits Carol for him. 

In another universe, across millions and millions of galaxies, he and Carol made it work. Like it was meant to be. 

“You don’t always end up with your soulmate,” Bucky says, understanding. And it’s not like he’s talked about Carol with a lot of people since they split, but Bucky’s the first one who actually seems to get it. 

“Yeah…” Rhodey whispers. They look at each other still before Rhodey stands up to go over to the fridge and grab something to drink. “Hey, you want coke?” he offers from the fridge. 

“Yeah. I hope you mean Cola,” Bucky jokes. 

“No, I meant actual cocaine,” Rhodey retorts sarcastically, handing him the glass. 

Bucky takes a drink and Rhodey sits back on his stool, in the corner, next to Bucky.

“What about you?” Rhodey asks this time, interested. 

“What about me?” Bucky plays dumb.

“Where’s your soulmate?” Rhodey asks, following along. 

Bucky looks at his drink, tilting the glass absent-mindedly. “Don’t have one,” he says and then takes another drink. 

Rhodey rests his elbows on the table to lean in, looking closely into Bucky’s eyes. “Why not?” 

“I think there are enough tragedies in the world already,” he says, low, but his smile is untouched. 

Rhodey blinks at him, bewildered. Bucky’s smile grows wider, almost as if he’s amused by Rhodey’s reaction; or lack of it. 

But then Rhodey looks at his eyes and he knows the wound cuts deep; Bucky’s eyes are so bright it’s not hard to see through him. Or maybe Rhodey’s too good at looking. 

“How long?” Rhodey asks simply.

Bucky frowns.

“How long has it been since you were with whoever made you believe that?” Rhodey tries again. 

Bucky’s face does a little journey from faking nonchalance to something akin sobering nostalgia; admission. “Six years,” he replies, his eyes soft, staring at his glass. 

Rhodey's eyebrows rise and Bucky lets a light scoff out.

"I know. But it's fine, really," Bucky says, moving his head. 

"Are you sure?" Rhodey asks, his eyes boring into Bucky's. 

"You sound like Steve. Yes," Bucky repeats. "Listen, I'm not about to unload my past on you right now, we had a nice meal. I have to get up early tomorrow," he adds, smiling nicely. 

But Rhodey can sense he's poked on something he shouldn't have. 

"I didn't mean to touch on any difficult topic—”

Bucky smiles at him and puts his hand on Rhodey's forearm. "I know. I asked first. It's fine, I promise," he says and then gets up. "You mind if I wash these?" he asks, pointing at his empty plate. 

Rhodey’s face does a full shift. "What? Yeah, I mind. I'll get that. Shut up," he says, taking the plate off his hands. 

"It's just a courtesy. I mean, you made dinner..." 

"We made dinner together," Rhodey says, standing up and walking over to the sink. 

"Fine. So we do the dishes together, too, then," Bucky says, scooting next to Rhodey by the sink. 

They end up doing things together almost every day the following days into the next week and the next and the next. 

Bucky helped Rhodey settle his other room as a neat office for his little engineering projects; helped him finish unpacking the boxes his mother sent him, stumbling upon a few polaroids of Carol that he neatly put inside a cardboard box without Rhodey noticing as he sang an AC/DC song off-tune. 

There was something about Rhodey that made air easier to breathe around him. 

"Who's this?" Bucky asks, looking at the picture of a baby, as he laid on the floor of the living room. 

"That's my niece, Lila," Rhodey says, a beer hanging off his hand and a plaid shirt wrapped around his hips. "I'm done with the shelf, come see it," he says and Bucky follows him into the other room. 

"Wow, you really can assemble IKEA furniture," Bucky says, impressed. 

Rhodey puts his hands on Bucky's waist and does a little vague shrug. "Well, I kinda am a rocket scientist, you know?" he mutters. 

"Sexy," Bucky jokes before he bites Rhodey's lips playfully. 

In the living room, their phones have been beeping for five hours now.


	3. Part Three: Of wild accusations and birthday dinners

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a spoiler for last season of RuPaul's Drag Race, in case there's any fan of the show reading this lol

The sun is shining bright when Rhodey finds Pepper standing outside of the bakery, just checking her phone. “Hey,” he says, open arms as he drops a kiss on her cheek. “When did you get to the city?” he asks after they let go.

"Oh, last night," Pepper tells him, and then Rhodey gives her a ‘seriously?’ face.

“You should’ve texted me,” Rhodey says.

Pepper waves a hand off. “It’s fine. Where’s Tony?” she asks, but Rhodey just shakes his head, not knowing. “Well, aren’t you staying with him?” 

“No. I finally bought an apartment,” Rhodey says. He really hadn’t talked to Pepper in the last three weeks.

“Oh my god, really? That’s great!” Pepper says, giving him another hug. “Ugh, I’m gonna miss you in California, though,” she adds, rubbing his arm.

“I know. But I figured— you’re always coming and going anyway, and Tony’s been living here full-time and even more so after the engagement and everything so,” Rhodey says.

“No, I get it. I mean, you also had to get out of there, I bet,” she says, with a sympathetic smile and Rhodey lets out a breath. “So, where do you think Tony is now then?”

Rhodey shrugs. “Late, obviously. He’s unbelievable; we’re supposed to be tasting this stuff for his wedding and he runs in late.”

“Yeah, and I flew all the way over here,” she says and then sighs.

“Ah, I knew you two talked shit about me behind my back,” they hear behind them and turn to find Tony standing there in a dark blue coat.

Rhodey flashes a fake smile. “No, we do it in front of you, too,” he comments and Tony flips him off before going over to Pepper.

“Hey, beautiful,” Tony greets her, hugging her. “Why didn’t you call to tell me you got here?” he asks after he lets go.

“That’s what I told her,” Rhodey says.

Pepper rolls her eyes at them. “It’s fine. Besides, I have my grandma’s apartment to check out, so it’s not like I was gonna go stay in a hotel— so, shall we do this, boys?" she asks, pointing at the door.

“Oh, please, I’m famished. I didn’t eat anything for breakfast so I could have an empty stomach coming in here,” Tony says, a little too casual.

Rhodey narrows his eyes at him. “Are you sure that’s it or did you just have morning sex with your fiancé and couldn’t eat because you were running late already?” he asks.

Tony stands serious before he breaks into a smug face. “Ok, you got me.”

They’re done just in time for lunch and they take a walk to the closest restaurant while Pepper goes on talking about work and how good she’s doing.

“And how’s Maya?” Tony asks, before taking a bite of his food.

“Great. We found a stray puppy and she’s head over heels over the little thing,” Pepper explains.

“Oh, you gonna tell her about your allergy to dogs?” Rhodey asks.

Pepper drinks from her water and waves a hand off. “Nah, I’m just taking stuff for it. She just looks so happy about it,” she says and Tony and Rhodey give her a matching ‘aw’ look. “Ok, enough about me. How come I didn’t know you got an apartment until now?” Pepper asks, turning to Rhodey.

Tony raises his eyebrows and rests his chin on his hands, waiting for Rhodey.

Rhodey’s been unintentionally yet unabashedly ghosting Tony, too.

“Uhm,” Rhodey starts, rubbing his forehead. “Well, I guess I was just caught up in things—“

“What things? What have you been doing?” Pepper wonders, before she takes a bite of her steak.

“Yeah, Rhodey, what _have_ you been doing?” Tony adds with a tone and piercing eyes, and the brown glint they gave away was enough for Rhodey to know Tony meant to say ‘who’ instead. 

Well, it’s over.

Rhodey looks at the table before he sighs and looks up, eyes on Tony. “Fine, but can you _please_ not scream?” 

“Oh, I think I _am_ going to scream,” Tony replies quickly, his fake smile too wide.

“What’s going on?” Pepper asks confused when Tony locks eyes with Rhodey and then looks like he’s about to start to spit foam out of his mouth.

“Tony…”

“You said you didn’t want things to get complicated!”

“I don’t—”

“So?!”

Pepper’s head is moving from Tony to Rhodey as they yell. “Wait—”

“So, they’re _not_ ,” Rhodey says, shrugging. “Look, it’s been going for three weeks—“

“Three weeks?! That’s—that’s how long you’ve been here,” Tony realizes and gives Rhodey a disappointed look. “Really? You couldn’t wait? You couldn’t just—have tried a _little_ harder?”

“What do you want me to do? He lives right across the hall.”

“Oh, so, it’s a he,” Pepper chips in.

“—Do you want me to buy you an entire other building? Is that what you want? ‘Cause I can do that if that would ensure me you wouldn’t get in his pants again,” Tony says, offering.

Rhodey just shakes his head, stunned. “Do you— hear yourself? You’re being _ridiculous_ , Tony.”

“No, _you_ ’re being ridiculous—”

"OK!" Pepper shouts, putting her hands between Tony and Rhodey. "I'm gonna need you two to stop yelling and start explaining what happened because there are no subtitles under here," she says, drawing an invisible line between them, "and I'm not understanding shit."

Tony and Rhodey exchange a tiny glare before Tony throws himself back on his seat and crosses his arms, turning his face away. “Rhodey’s dating Steve’s best friend,” he mutters, annoyed.

Rhodey opens his mouth offended. "What?" Pepper asks, turning to him with a smile.

“I’m not _dating_ him,” Rhodey tells Tony instead.

Tony turns back to looking at him and moves his head to one side. “Oh, yeah, no, that’s right. No, Pepper, he’s not dating him, get this: he’s just sleeping with him,” he tells Pepper.

Pepper lets out a tiny chuckle. “What? You don’t do that,” she says, looking at Rhodey.

Tony moves his eyebrows at him, victorious.

“Ok, fine. Yes, I have never had a ‘friends with benefits’ deal with someone, but so what? There’s a first time for everything,” Rhodey says.

"Yeah, but did your first time have to be with Steve's best friend?" Tony asks, annoyed.

Rhodey just rolls his eyes in response.

"Alright, alright," Pepper says, holding back a smile before she takes a drink off her glass of wine. "I don't get what's the big deal. So, Rhodey's sleeping with—who is it, Sam? He’s nice,” she tells Tony with a vague shrug.

Tony groans. “Oh, please, I _wish_ it was Sam—“

“It’s Bucky,” Rhodey clears for Pepper.

“Oh, the one with the long hair? He’s hot,” she says, muttering the last part of her sentence.

“He doesn’t have long hair anymore,” Tony comments, still annoyed.

“I didn’t know he had long hair—he’s still hot, though,” Rhodey adds, looking from Tony to Pepper.

"Oh, I bet," Pepper says, looking at Rhodey before she drinks from her glass again, hiding a smile.

"Ok, can you not do that? We're mad at him," Tony says to Pepper, pointing a finger at Rhodey.

"No. It's just you, honey," Pepper says, making a helpless face at Tony. Rhodey just smiles proudly from his seat.

Tony groans again. "I hope you're happy jeopardizing my relationship," he says, giving Rhodey an accusing look.

Rhodey just scoffs. “Please, _how_ am I doing that? Enlighten me,” he says.

“Ok,” Tony says, adjusting on his seat to rest his elbows on the table. "Let me paint you a picture: you and Barnes have a fight, I'm gonna take your side and Steve's gonna be forced to take Barnes', and boom, I have to get a divorce before I even get married—”

"Ok, let me stop you right there because that's where you're wrong, see?" Rhodey interrupts him with a hand and sits upright, too. "Unlike you and Steve, Bucky and I are grown-ups. And I'm not about to let my shit get to your relationship, Tony, what the hell?" Rhodey says, frowning.

Tony looks at him and closes his mouth.

"Look, it's six months to the wedding— I'm sure by the time it comes, Bucky and I will have called this thing off and it'll be fine," Rhodey adds and Tony's silent face has just turned sober.

Until Tony breaks into a tiny, bittersweet smile. "Alright, fine. Just answer me this then: this whole time you've been— fooling around with him, how many times have you… seen him?" Tony asks, a suspicious glint in his eyes.

Rhodey lets out an awkward chuckle. "What? Why?"

"It's a simple question—”

"It's a stupid question. I don't know," Rhodey says, defensively.

Tony's eyebrows pop. "You don't know?"

"No, Tony. I don't keep track of how many times I hook-up with someone, that's crazy," Rhodey says.

"You don't keep track because they're so many?" he says, crossing his arms.

"No, it's— who even keeps track of that?" Rhodey shakes his head.

"Pepper, you've had your fair share of flings, right? Would you tell Rhodey that's a thing people do," Tony says, freeing a hand from his grip to point it at Pepper, open.

Pepper rolls her tongue on her lower lip, keeping herself from smiling. "That's no question to ask a lady," she says.

Tony just sighs. "Oh, please, come on. You know where I'm going with this," he tells her. "I haven't seen him in a week," he adds, like that's a hidden message Rhodey's not quite following.

Pepper moves a shoulder. "I don't think it's okay for us to gang up on him."

"Oh, but when it's you two on me, it's fine?" Tony asks rhetorically. "Answer the question," he says, going back to crossing his arms.

Pepper takes a deep breath and turns to Rhodey. "Ok, it's not so much as keeping track of it, you just— you wanna keep it to a low rate if you're trying to keep it on a casual level. Three times a week, four, tops," she explains.

Rhodey looks at the far distance, biting the inside of his cheek, smiling bitterly. "What do you want from me?" Rhodey shoots at Tony, annoyed.

"How many times have you seen him?" Tony asks, and Rhodey's just shaking his head. "Four times?"

Rhodey just downs his drink in one go, glaring at Tony insisting.

"Is it five?"

“This is unbelievable—”

"Is it every day?"

"Yes!" Rhodey replies sharply. "He lives right across the hall, dumbass. Of course, I see him every day," he adds.

Tony opens his eyes wide. "Wow, so, you just what? Run into him every time you use the elevator?"

"Jesus...” Rhodey mutters, rolling a hand down his face.

"What, you have your watch synchronized with his—”

"You're relentless," Rhodey says, resting his cheek on his palm.

"And you're blind," Tony says before he presses his lips into a thin line.

Rhodey can almost hear what Tony's gonna say before he does.

"You think you're playing this real smooth but the reality of things is that you've let him into your space and you're all comfortable with him, making Netflix marathon plans and shit— you already care about him, don't you?"

Rhodey lets a deep breath out and stands up. He grabs his jacket from the back of the chair, pressing it hard inside his hand. "You're an asshole," he tells Tony, his fist holding the jacket pointed at Tony's face, and then he walks out of the place.

"Wait—” Pepper says, her hand half-raised at Rhodey but it's pointless.

“They hated Jesus when he told the truth, too!” Tony shouts, turning to Rhodey leaving and then back to sit up straight, facing Pepper.

She’s almost shooting darts out of her eyes. "Go after him," she orders. 

"But, I'm right—”

"Right now. Immediately," she orders, sternly.

Tony kicks the floor, pushing himself up from his chair and out of the place.

He finds Rhodey just a few steps out of the restaurant, putting on his coat. "Rhodey!” Tony shouts but Rhodey just shakes his head and keeps up his pace. “Rhodey, wait. Please, don’t make me run, these shoes aren't made for running," he whines.

Rhodey stops and turns, looking up at the sky, frustrated. “Listen. Just, shut up, okay? Forever," he says, facing Tony a few feet away, and then resumes his walk.

“Ok, but can’t you see my heart is in the right place with this?” Tony asks, still trying to catch up with Rhodey’s angry struts.

Rhodey groans and turns again. “You know I hated Steve when you started seeing him, right? I thought he was obstinate, self-righteous and– frankly, annoying,” he says with an honest face. “But I didn’t give you shit for it. No. I was happy for you and I supported you, because that’s what friends _do_ ,” he adds, a note louder at the end, and tries to walk away again.

Tony stops him, putting himself in front of Rhodey, hands on his chest. “Ok, I hear you and that’s very sweet. But—“ Tony tries, raising a finger and making a face like he’s in pain. “You do realize you’re comparing me and Steve to you and Barnes, right?”

Rhodey feels like he could punch him.

He tries to walk again but Tony holds tighter to Rhodey’s coat. “Look, I just want you to see that you’re going two hundred miles an hour and—” Tony cuts his speech, looking at the side of Rhodey’s face, trying to find his words before he looks back at him, with those big deer eyes. “And Barnes is a steel wall.”

Rhodey locks eyes with him for a long second before he gets overwhelmed and looks down; letting out a breath he was holding.

“And I was there the last time you crashed and…I didn’t like it, Rhodey,” Tony adds and then looks down at his hands, joined. 

Rhodey looks around them, people walking by them unbothered, in the middle of a breezy New York street, and he thinks about Tony coming to him in a dirty motel in Pasadena, bottles of scotch lying all over the floor and Rhodey sitting stoic and drunk, tear stains on his cheeks, staring at a Simpsons marathon on an old TV.

He thinks about Tony doing that for a month straight.

It feels like it was forever ago and not just last Thanksgiving.

“Listen, man,” Rhodey says, rubbing a hand on his temple, and then looks for Tony’s eyes. “I haven’t thought about her,” he confesses, and that really was it.

In the past three weeks, he had kept his mind so busy and entertained that he hadn’t once thought about Carol— only when Bucky asked about her the first few days.

“Every time I've been left alone in the apartment – an apartment I was supposed to be sharing with _her_ — all I've thought is how my day is gonna go next or which pictures I should put in my new picture frames," Rhodey explains.

Tony is just looking at him attentively.

"Yes, I’ve been seeing Bucky every day and I realize that’s not ideal but—” Rhodey moves one shoulder up. “But I haven’t felt like shit in weeks, and if I have him to thank for that, then," Rhodey lets his arms fall on his sides. "So be it."

"Alright, but—”

Rhodey puts his hands on Tony's shoulders as he goes: "I need you to trust me. I'm fine. I'm doing fine and I'll be doing fine by the time your wedding arrives," he says.

"What about Barnes?"

"If he cares about Steve as much as I care about you, he's not gonna blow anything, I'm sure of it," Rhodey says.

"Ok, but, nevermind Steve or the wedding— what if you get hurt again?" Tony asks.

Rhodey actually smiles at that. "So I’ll walk it off. Tony, you can't expect me to go on living my life without the slightest chance I'll get hurt again, c'mon..."

"Well, I just don't want Barnes to cause the hurting," Tony mutters, almost innocently.

Rhodey shakes his head again. "Listen, we're— becoming friends, I think. I'm pretty positive. I mean, Barnes is nice and he's fun to be around. Nothing bad's gonna happen," he assures.

Tony gives him a cryptic look but he pulls him in for a hug before Rhodey can protest.

~~

"This is terrible," Bucky says, a hand on his chest. "This is, like, some kind of personal offense, to be honest," he adds, keeping the dramatic tone.

Rhodey just laughs quietly and sits on the couch properly, after setting the burger bags on the coffee table.

"I just cannot believe you've never seen Drag Race," Bucky says, in an exaggerated shock as he sets the TV before grabbing his burger.

"I tried watching it in college, Tony had a phase with it, but I never got around to sit and do it; I was busy with stuff," Rhodey explains before he takes his first bite. "Speaking of which— I told him today," he shares.

Bucky's about to bite his own burger when he stops to look down at Rhodey sitting on Bucky's carpet. "Stark?" he asks.

"Yeah. Well, he kinda guessed. I think Steve slipped that we're doing this," he says, pointing at the TV. Bucky makes a face like he's sorry. "It's fine. I'd be pissed at him but part of me is glad he can't keep a secret from my best friend for long."

Bucky nods and then takes his bite. "So how did Stark take it? Should I be on the lookout for hired guns?" he jokes.

"Well, there was a great deal of whining, but I told him he had nothing to worry about— unlike them, you and I are adults," Rhodey says and Bucky hums positively.

"That is true," Bucky agrees.

"Besides, it's not like it's a big deal, right? We're friends," Rhodey says, doing a carefree shrug.

The corner of Bucky's mouth draws up. "We are?" he asks.

Rhodey's been with him almost every day since he moved in, and he wasn't even slightly bothered, yet anyway. Rhodey was fun to talk to and helping him set up the rest of his apartment was entertaining. And he didn't have much of a life outside of Stark here, so Bucky enjoyed giving him company.

Also, he was a fucking great lay.

Rhodey makes a little pout. "I mean, I'd like to think we are," he says but it sounds like a question.

Bucky smiles at him proudly. "Hell, yeah, we are," he yells and Rhodey lets a light breath out through his nose and they get back to watching their show. "You know what's funny?" he asks, later, grabbing the empty bags and napkins and going over to the kitchen to throw them in the trash.

"About Drag Race?" Rhodey shouts so Bucky can hear him, now sitting on the couch.

"No, about this whole thing," Bucky says, coming back. Rhodey's got his legs spread on the couch so he holds them to sit on it and then puts Rhodey's legs on his lap.

"What, you and me?"

"On one end, you have Stark, his incredibly expensive sniper hiding somewhere over that building, ready to take me out," Bucky says, pointing with his chin at the building outside the window. "And on the other, you have Steve, who's— probably planning a double wedding in his head as we speak," he adds.

Rhodey snorts, closing his eyes as he shakes his head.

"It's ridiculous," Bucky says, amused.

They share a laugh quietly before Rhodey looks at Bucky and rolls his tongue down his bottom lip. "Well, I think they're acting on love. Like, they mean well, but also—” Rhodey makes a face.

"They have no fucking clue—”

"They have no fucking clue what they're thinking, yeah," Rhodey says at the same time Bucky does.

Bucky shakes his head amused but Rhodey looks like he's got a few things on his head. "You know what I think?" Bucky says, just to try to ease the sudden change on Rhodey’s face. "Every time Steve's done something stupid, I've told him not to do it and he still did it anyway. And I have a feeling the same thing's happened to you with Stark, right?"

Rhodey just moves an eyebrow, in a tired ‘yes’.

"So— if they don't listen to us, why should we listen to them?" he asks, an honest smile on his face.

Rhodey tilts his head to give him a look, his mouth full. He smiles but there’s a bit of mustard on the corner of his mouth so Bucky rolls his thumb over it, softly, to clean it up.

It makes Rhodey’s face turn into something more fragile and intimate, but he’s not going to think about that; Rhodey’s deep brown eyes are a mystery Bucky’s quickly getting invested in.

“That sounds like a plan,” Rhodey agrees after swallowing, Bucky almost forgot he had asked a question.

They keep on watching then, all night. It’s Friday so Bucky doesn’t have to get up early the next day. He watches Rhodey enjoy the Queens compete, laughing when something funny happens.

They’ve sat down to marathon stuff on Netflix three different Fridays now but Bucky hadn’t gotten around making Rhodey sit through his personal hobby.

But, hey, he finally watched all seasons of Black Mirror because Rhodey insisted so, fair is fair.

Bucky looks at Rhodey eating popcorn now, watching attentively at the T.V. and a thought gets stuck in his head: he could do this forever.

“Do I have something on my face?” Rhodey asks, not even bothering to look at him.

Bucky takes advantage of that and gives Rhodey a smile that’s too bare for him to see. “No,” he replies.

“Then stop staring at me. It’s creepy,” Rhodey jokes, giving him a look with the corner of his eyes.

Bucky looks down and doesn’t reply back, so Rhodey turns his face to him.

"We're okay, right?" he asks, but his question feels like it’s a little more than just that.

Still, Bucky says, "Yeah," with something that feels too heavy to even rationalize it; name it. 

"Ok. I’m glad we're on the same page,” Rhodey says, cool. “Except on this 'cause I’m definitely rooting for Jaida," he adds, pointing at the T.V.

"What? Gigi’s gonna take this," Bucky retorts, acting offended.

"Oh, chile," Rhodey mimics Jaida, before taking a sip from his straw.

Bucky laughs a breathy laugh as the next episode starts playing. He cools down when the intro starts again and gets hit with a dangerous thought.

Helmut would’ve never watched this with him if he wasn’t baked out of his skull.

“Hey,” Rhodey calls for him suddenly, hand on Bucky’s forearm laid out on the back of the couch. “Something wrong?”

He really was about to start getting teary-eyed because of a single thought, what the hell?

“What?” Bucky says, readjusting on his seat and smiling. _Stop thinking, stop thinking dumb shit._

“I was telling you I’m still upset they kicked Jackie out,” Rhodey repeats, his hand still on Bucky's arm.

Bucky sighs. "Ugh, I know. But it's fine, she can make it to an All-Stars," he adds, waving a hand off.

~~

Bucky’s washing the dishes after they’re done celebrating Jaida winning the season when Rhodey comes from behind him, hands wrapping around his middle.

“Now, what do I get? Since I won and all,” he asks, his chin on Bucky’s back.

Bucky chuckles and turns a little. “Well, see, technically, you didn’t win, it was Jaida,” he says, looking down at Rhodey closely.

“But I was rooting for her, though. I think I should get some kind of reward,” he says, pulling Bucky closer.

“Oh, yeah?” Bucky asks, lowly, and moves slowly towards Rhodey’s lips but just before they touch, Bucky pulls the kitchen faucet hose and sprays Rhodey just a little.

Rhodey takes some steps back, his face wet, with his mouth open.

He runs a hand through his face to wipe the drops off and then nods with a pout. “You know, this is classic petty loser behavior,” Rhodey mutters, calmly. “You’re just upset ‘cause Gigi didn’t win and I pity you,” he adds with an amused tone, walking away from the kitchen.

Bucky lets Rhodey leave for a minute and goes back to finishing up the dishes when suddenly Rhodey comes in running and grabs Bucky from the legs to throw him over his shoulder.

“What—“ Bucky yells as Rhodey carries him out of the kitchen and into his bathroom, where the shower is running, dropping him, fully clothed, under the tap.

Rhodey goes to try and step out but Bucky pulls him so he doesn’t escape the spray and Rhodey pulls back until they both slip on the wet floor and fall on their butts in the shower.

“You idiot,” Rhodey laughs, slapping Bucky’s hand out of his grip.

“Asshole,” Bucky says, water still spilling all over him since he fell on the end that’s under the tap.

“You started it,” Rhodey retorts.

Maturely, Bucky pokes his tongue out and Rhodey’s never wanted a man so bad before.

So Rhodey does what he has to.

He kisses Bucky.

~~

Rhodey’s 5 A.M. alarm it’s what reminds him he was supposed to get up early today. “Shit,” he curses, shutting the phone up before Bucky wakes up. He dismisses the alarm and locks his phone, then turns to Bucky lying on the bed, face-first into his pillow, sleeping soundlessly.

The sun is just about to start rising so Rhodey can see the light, small freckles speckled across Bucky’s back and his hand moves just to run a careful finger across the curve of his spine, soothing.

“Mmmm,” Bucky hums, turning his face to Rhodey’s side. “Hi,” he mutters, not opening his eyes.

“Go back to sleep,” Rhodey says, his hand still rubbing Bucky’s back.

“Your phone was ringing,” Bucky says, just barely opening his eyes.

“I know, I’m sorry,” he says, softly.

“No, I mean, something’s up?” Bucky asks.

“I just forgot that I had to work today,” Rhodey explains. Bucky turns on his back and props up a little on his arm.

“Oh, you have a trip? Where?” he asks him.

“Tokyo, then Singapore. I’ll just be gone a few days,” he says.

“Oh, well, that sounds like fun,” Bucky says, before looking a little bummed.

“Yeah, and I’m gonna be back just in time for your birthday,” Rhodey says and Bucky’s eyes widen a little.

But then he narrows them, questioning. “How—” his eyes widen as understanding dawns on him, “Steve,” he mutters.

“He texted me last week, wanted to know if _we_ were doing anything that day,” he shares, making a face.

“…treating you as if you were my boyfriend, right…” Bucky mutters, annoyed.

Rhodey laughs through his nose just a bit and gets up, kissing the top of Bucky's head. "It's fine. I like birthdays," he says and takes one foot out of the bed before Alpine jumps out of nowhere, growling and startling Rhodey on his spot. "Oh, look who's back," Rhodey says, in a dead tone.

Bucky’s stray cat was something of his nemesis.

Alpine jumps onto the bed, lying on the covers between Bucky’s legs. “They must’ve sneaked back in the middle of the night,” Bucky says, smiling at the little white fur.

“You have to do something about them,” Rhodey says, looking for his clothes to go to his apartment and start getting ready.

“I told you, they’re mine,” he says. “As soon as I get the time, I’ll get them the collar and everything,” he says, rolling his hand down Alpine’s back.

Rhodey wants to roll his eyes at destiny but he doesn’t. “Alright. Anyway, about your birthday, I was thinking we could go to this restaurant in FiDi I wanted to try, whatcha’ think?”

Bucky sits on his bed and frowns as he watches Rhodey get dressed. “You wanna take me out on a date for my birthday?” he asks, like it’s ridiculous.

“No, not a date. Just— a night out. A meal,” Rhodey explains. “Like, you’re my friend and it’s your birthday, it’s not a big deal, I do it with Tony all the time,” he adds, shrugging. “And it’ll just be a few hours, you can still meet whatever other plans you have,” he says.

Bucky keeps his frown but then just shakes his head. “Yeah, no, I don’t have other plans. Sure,” Bucky says, his mouth curving up just one side. “But no more Thai food,” he warns.

Rhodey takes his jacket from the couch. “You got it,” he says, and then walks over to Bucky on the bed, past Alpine’s hisses. “I’ll see you when I get back,” Rhodey says and then bends down to kiss Bucky goodbye.

“Sure— have a safe trip!” Bucky yells, smiling at Rhodey before he closes the door. Then the silence leaves room for Bucky’s emotions to come down crushing on him and he bites his lower lip, a little concerned.

Alpine twists their neck around, looking at Bucky from his lap.

“What? You think I’m making a big mistake saying yes to that?” Bucky asks his cat and Alpine just yawns and stretches their back on the covers. “Yeah, I’m boring you, I get it,” he says.

Alpine moves to lie on Rhodey’s side of the bed, comfortably and Bucky smiles.

“You territorial little thing, that’s why you hate Rhodey, huh? ‘Cause he sleeps on your spot?” Bucky says, rubbing a finger on Alpine's chin.

Bucky throws himself back on the bed and falls asleep with Alpine next to him.

~~

> **You** [5:23 a.m.]: he took the bait. You'll have the apartment for yourself for over four hours, tops
> 
> Steve Rogers [5:30 a.m.]: oh, great!
> 
> **Steve Rogers** [5:32 a.m.]: thanks for helping with the surprise
> 
> You [5:35 a.m.]: no prob. he's my friend, too
> 
> **Steve Rogers** [5:35 a.m.]: yeah, ofc
> 
> You [5:36 a.m.]: why u say it like that 🤨
> 
> Steve Rogers [5:36 a.m.]: im texting, you dont know how im saying it
> 
> You [5:37 a.m.]: yeah but u have a weird way of typing it
> 
> Steve Rogers [5:39 a.m.]: no, i don't. you're being paranoid
> 
> **You** [5:40 a.m.]: ...
> 
> **You** [5:41 a.m.]: I'm watching u, boy scout
> 
> **Steve Rogers** [5:45 a.m.]: oh, im sure
> 
> **Steve Rogers** [5:46 a.m.]: have a safe trip!
> 
> **You** [5:47 a.m.]: thanks. how did u know that?
> 
> **Steve Rogers** [5:50 a.m.]: i'm watching you, too

~~

Rhodey gets back just a day before Bucky’s birthday on Friday, like he said he would, and knocks on Bucky’s door with two bags of taco orders in his hands.

“You’re back!” Bucky says, and it’s the widest he’s smiled in the whole week.

If he holds onto Rhodey a little tighter than usual, neither of them say a thing.

~~

Rhodey runs a hand across Bucky’s forehead, wiping off the sweat after Bucky came down from his release. Then he moves his fingers through Bucky’s hair, caressing. He presses his chin on Bucky’s stomach and smiles when Bucky looks down on him.

“Hey, look,” Rhodey says, and moves his head towards the clock on the nightstand.

It’s 12:32 p.m.

“Happy birthday,” Rhodey mutters, propping on his elbows to a sloppy kiss on his lips.

Later on, Bucky wakes up to a birthday breakfast and leaves his apartment stuffed with food and something else he’s not prepared to name yet.

When he’s making his way out of his building, he spots Sharon with an extra coffee cup in her hand and a big smile.

“Happy birthday,” Sharon greets him with her arms open and Bucky hugs her back muttering a thank you. “I got you a latte from the coffee shop near my apartment that you like so much.”

“Oh, thanks,” he says, but he’s making a face.

“What?”

“I just had the biggest birthday breakfast since probably my last birthday living with my folks,” he says.

“Oooh, mystery guy treated you?” Sharon asks with a face.

Bucky waves a hand off. “Nah, we just like to cook for each other. It’s a thing,” Sharon quirks an eyebrow at him. “I— whatever. What are you doing here?”

“I thought I could walk with you to the magazine. It’s been weeks since I’ve seen you, buddy,” she explains and gives him a little punch in the arm.

“Alright, I don’t need the extra love,” he says and looks at his watch. “You know what? Walking sounds great, I got enough time,” Bucky concludes and smiles at her, offering his arm.

Sharon smiles back and grabs it.

“So when am I meeting this guy? What was his name, by the way?” she asks when they sit on the train.

“You know him. It’s the guy from the party,” Bucky reminds her.

“Yeah, I know, but I don’t know _know_ him, you know. I haven’t been _introduced_ to him,” Sharon says.

Bucky shakes his head. “Stop. Don’t make a big deal out of it. You sound like Steve,” he says.

“Is he being terribly nosey again?” Sharon asks, taking a sip of her coffee.

Bucky just rolls his eyes. “He’s just being overly excited because I’m friends with Rhodey,” he says.

“Who’s Rhodey?”

“The guy, Sharon. Mystery guy, his name’s Rhodey. Well, nickname—“

“Right, right. He’s James, like you,” she remembers.

“Did I tell you he’s Stark’s best friend?” he says and Sharon raises her eyebrows.

“The one from college he’s always talking about?” she says and Bucky nods. Everyone’s heard about Rhodey, Stark made sure of that. “Wow. That sounds like a recipe for _fun_ ,” she adds sarcastically, making a face.

Sharon got it.

He makes it to his office just on time, kissing Sharon goodbye before telling her he only had dinner plans with Rhodey for tonight but he would let her know if anything came up.

At work, everything goes pretty much the same, except he gets a birthday cupcake with a tiny candle and his co-workers sing him happy birthday during lunchtime.

“So, it’s Friday night, what we plannin’?” Sam asks during their break.

Bucky shrugs. “We can crash in my apartment, I don’t know. Have a few drinks, watch something,” he offers.

“Oh, no clubbing this year?” Sam asks.

“It’s ‘cause he’s taken, now,” Steve jokes.

Bucky forces a laugh.

“No, I’m just thinking, you know—I’m 32 now, I’m not made for clubbing anymore,” Bucky says.

Sam and Steve open their mouths in an understanding ‘o’ and look at each other.

“Insightful—”

“It’s the old man wisdom in him now.”

Bucky gives them the finger.

Sam smiles and shakes his head. “Ok, no, but listen, we can still go out for drinks, c’mon. You’re not even Jesus’ age yet,” he says.

“Alright, fine. I’ll text you guys after I come back from dinner—” Bucky says before he can stop himself. “Ah, shit,” he curses, once it’s too late.

Steve’s eyebrows are doing a funny thing. “You’re going to dinner?” he asks, trying to make it sound like he’s not about to explode.

Bucky sighs. “Will you please not make a big deal out of it?”

“What? I’m not making a big deal. Why would I make a big deal? There’s nothing to make a big deal about,” Steve says, fast, and then rests his chin on his hand, waiting for Bucky to elaborate. “So, is it— are you going with—”

Bucky interrupts Steve by taking a breath and then goes: “Yes. He offered to take me out for dinner for my birthday before he left a week ago.”

Steve nods with a pout, trying to be cool. Sam is grinning. “Where’s mysterious guy taking you?” Sam asks.

Bucky still hasn’t told Sam it’s Rhodey. If only because they’re supposed to be chill about it, so there’s no point for Sam to know.

“Manhatta,” Bucky says.

“Shit, _I’m_ gonna make a big deal out of it. That place is _nice_ ,” Sam says, impressed. “Damn, you really must give good head,” he adds, narrowing his eyes.

Bucky chuckles and opens his arms. “Well, I’ve never had any complaints,” he says, smugly.

“Ok, can we please not talk about this while I’m eating?” Steve complains, pointing at his food.

Bucky and Sam mock him together. 

~~

Bucky sits down in complete awe of the view Manhatta restaurant has; the ceiling-to-floor windows were filled with New York's beautiful industrial landscape, skyscrapers shining bright in the dark night.

"Ok, I know you said this wasn't a big deal but I mean— look at this place," Bucky says, suddenly a little uncomfortable.

Rhodey smiles at the white, expensive-looking table cloth. "Will you relax?" he says, quietly. "This place looks better and costs less than the vast majority of New York City’s fine dining options".

"See, the fact that you just said 'vast majority of New York's fine dining options' already makes me feel anxious," Bucky jokes.

He can't remember for the life of him the last time he got taken out to a fancy place.

It was probably _never_ years ago.

He grabs the menu a little afraid but Rhodey's watching him amused.

"Alright, how about this— my birthday's on October 6th, you can pay me back then," Rhodey says.

"Right, but I don't have this kind of money," Bucky retorts.

"Stop. It's not that expensive," Rhodey says.

"That's easy for you to say, you fly rich people's jets for a living," Bucky says and Rhodey zips his mouth.

"That's fair," Rhodey concedes, moving his eyebrows, and then moves to read his menu.

Bucky watches him for a few seconds and then turns around to study the people at the tables around them.

Well, at least he dressed just fine for the occasion. With a light grey dress jacket and white silk shirt under and dark blue jeans; Bucky's perfectly matched with the fancy-yet-modernly-casual aesthetic of the restaurant.

Yeah, he might've looked into the website in case there was a dress code. Plus, he's also meeting the guys later and he'll probably end up in a loud, dirty pub in Brooklyn.

He sees a man pulling out a ring on the far left corner and tears in his girlfriend's eyes when Rhodey drops his menu on the table.

"Well, I'll think I'll have the Millbrook venison saddle, what about you?" he asks.

Bucky startles in his seat and rubs his neck. "I— uhh. I don't know, whatever's cheapest," he answers.

Rhodey sighs. "Bucky, will you please stop? It's your birthday, I wanna treat you," he asks, warmly. "What do you want?"

Bucky looks at him for a bit longer before he decides to give up. If Rhodey wants to do this, then Bucky might as well let him. "Fine," he says, giving him a small smile. "But if I wanna fuck your brains out later tonight, you better not get all shy and humble on—”

With a polite and a little embarrassed smile on her face, their waitress stands on the side of their table. "Good evening, gentlemen. Welcome to Manhatta," she greets, a little awkwardly. "Do you know what you're ordering?"

Rhodey smiles at her funny. "Well, you heard what he said so, I guess, we'll have Sauvignon Blanc, to start," he says, folding his menu and handing it over to the young woman.

"A special occasion, may I ask?" she wonders.

"It's his birthday," Rhodey says, pointing at him over the table.

"Oh, then, happy birthday, sir," she tells Bucky.

"Thanks," Bucky says and then turns to check out the menu.

"And to eat?" she asks Rhodey, pulling out her pad.

"I'll have Bucatini, for starters, and the Millbrook Venison, and the Warm Date Cake for dessert," Rhodey tells her.

The waitress writes Rhodey's order down. "And the gentleman?" she turns to ask him.

Bucky looks up from his menu and then back to it again. "I— uhh. I think the chilled white asparagus and the brown butter turbot," he says, but his tone sounds like a question.

"That's a really good choice," she assures him. "And for dessert?"

Bucky looks at the menu again but Rhodey puts his hand on it. "He'll have the Brooklyn Blackout," he tells the girl. "Trust me, you'll like it," he mutters to Bucky.

Bucky smiles at Rhodey before he hands the menu to the woman.

"Oh, and—” Rhodey gets up to say something into the woman's ear.

She smiles and nods politely. "Sure, you got it," she says and Rhodey sits down again. She pours them water and smiles at Bucky. "I'll be right back with your orders. You have a very romantic boyfriend," she tells him before she leaves.

Bucky and Rhodey sit there, watching each other with wide-eyed, amused faces.

"You heard that?" Bucky says, mocking.

Rhodey blinks slowly. "Yeah, she called me your boyfriend—”

"She called you _romantic_ ," Bucky jokes and Rhodey snorts a laugh. "Thanks, by the way. You didn't have to do this," he says, in a more serious tone.

Rhodey shrugs and takes a sip of his water before he stops, like he remembered something. "Wait, that's not all," he says and pulls a little brown, paper bag with a blue ribbon. "Here. Happy birthday," Rhodey says, handing the thing to Bucky.

"What? Rhodey, are you crazy? Coming here was enough," he fights but Rhodey's basically shoving the gift into his palm.

"Shut up. That's technically not even for you," Rhodey says, waving a hand off.

Bucky arches one eyebrow, suddenly curious, and pulls the ribbon to open the bag. He shakes it so what's inside will fall into his other hand and he opens his mouth, surprised, when he sees it.

It's a tiny, velvet-red collar with a golden round plaque; "Alpine" is written on it.

Bucky runs his thumb over it, smiling. 

"I had it made in a place in Japan. The string is supposed to give good luck," Rhodey explains. "I just hope it gets them to fucking stop scratching me for no reason," he adds.

Bucky chuckles before he looks at Rhodey, a little softer than he would usually allow himself to. "This is very sweet, Rhodey," he says.

Rhodey shrugs again. "Well, I pay attention," he says, simply.

And Bucky's sure he hasn't had many people do that before.

~~

Bucky pulls Rhodey by the neck of his shirt and kisses him open-mouthed, trying to twist in his keys to his apartment. Rhodey tries to pull back because he knows what awaits them on the other side of the door but Bucky is fixed on getting back at him for dinner.

And Rhodey knows there's nothing to get back at with, but Bucky's lips have proven to be very hard to resist.

"Surprise!" everyone in the room yells the minute the door swings open, clicking the lights on.

Bucky lets go of Rhodey's mouth with a bob sound.

"I'm gonna throw up," Tony says, standing next to Steve.

"Don't start," Steve says but his smile is unwavering. "Happy birthday," he says, giving Bucky a big hug.

Bucky gives Rhodey an accusing look over Steve's shoulder and Rhodey just shrugs in reply, smiling.

The rest of the party was unfolding just fine, Bucky's over by the TV, playing a drinking game and having a good time, and Rhodey's just watching him, resting against the kitchen island, when Tony stands beside him.

"You're staring at him," Tony mutters, in his usual whiny manner.

Rhodey nods. "Mhm, is that a crime now? Or wait— no, let me guess, I'm breaking one of the rules of your made-up fuckbuddy guidebook," Rhodey says, sarcastically.

"Actually, you broke two, since you're taking him out on dates now," Tony comments, then sips on his drink.

Rhodey narrows his eyes and turns to look at him. "Oh, stop. That wasn't a date. It's his birthday; it was just a treat on me. Two friends having a meal," he says. "I do it with you all the time," he adds, pointing an open hand.

Tony smiles at him but it doesn't suit him right. "Yeah, but you know what else you do with him all the time that you _definitely_ don't do with me?"

Rhodey just rolls his eyes and turns to grab his empty cup and get more beer.

"It's sex!" Tony shouts.

"Yeah, I know!" Rhodey yells back, in a mocking tone.

Whatever, Tony wasn't going to ruin today with his incessant need to point out things to Rhodey that he's trying to ignore.

~~

And he gets good at ignoring the big signs. Like the way his stomach feels when he notices Bucky dozing off after a long day at work while they sit on the couch for their regular routine of watching The Good Place every Wednesday.

Like the fact that doesn’t shave his face anymore so Bucky can do it for him when they bathe together.

Or the fact that the first night he noticed Bucky having a nightmare he felt a tug in his chest to keep him guarded and safe. But he only ran a hand through Bucky’s forehead to wipe the sweat only for Bucky to wake up startled and ashamed.

Or the fact that he’s always finding “I left you pancake mix in the fridge if you wanna make yourself some when you wake up,” “There’s lasagna in the oven,” “You ran out of coffee so I got you some,” notes in places in his apartment and he smiles at them.

Or the fact that Bucky’s been picking him up at the airport after he comes back from his flights and people at work are starting to give him funny looks.

Or the fact that two months have passed and he can no longer tell the difference between his condo and Bucky’s because he’s spent an equal amount of time in both places and he’s sure that half of the clothes he just took out of the laundry aren’t his.

But he’s not thinking about any of that, all he’s thinking about is what to text Bucky they should have for dinner tonight.

~~

They're eating tacos; Bucky's going on about his day at work when he mentions: "Steve told me they're changing the color palette."

Rhodey frowns with his mouth full of chips.

"For the wedding," Bucky explains after chewing. "They're making it king blue and gold now," he adds.

"Won't that hold the whole thing back?" Rhodey wonders. "It's two months to the wedding," he says.

"Steve says it's fine. They're only about to send out the invitations, which is basically what makes the whole thing permanent— the theme, I mean," Bucky says.

Rhodey swallows in silence and looks ahead, behind Bucky. "Wow. The invitations. There's no going back now," he says.

Bucky makes a face, smiling. "Did you ever doubt there was?"

Rhodey moves a shoulder. "Nah. It's just weird. I never thought Tony would be the first to get married out of my friend group," he says.

Bucky's mouth opens in an 'o'. "Well, it's Steve. He's wanted to get married since he was two, probably," Bucky says, giving a vague shrug. "He was doing the design for the cards, they looked pretty great," he shares, taking another bite of his taco. "Anyway, he wants to know what we'll do," Bucky adds, asking.

Rhodey's brow furrows. “What do you mean?”

"Well, if I pick one color for my boutonniere, you have to take the other,” he says.

“And what do you want?” Rhodey asks, casually.

“What do _you_ want?” Bucky replies.

“I asked first.”

“You sure you don’t care?” Bucky wonders.

“It’s fine. I’ll look good in either,” Rhodey says, shrugging. 

Bucky throws his head a little back with a laugh. “Cocky much?” he arches an eyebrow.

"It's not cocky if it’s true," Rhodey replies.

Bucky nods, looking almost daring, sucking on his lower lip. “I’ll pick blue, then,” he says.

“Alright," Rhodey says. "I do like king blue, though. It reminds me of the Air Force uniform I didn’t really get to wear – which is why I think you should have it,” he adds.

“Are you sure?” Bucky asks, tilting his head a little.

"Yeah. Besides, if I know Tony, the gold was his idea. He’ll probably be wearing golden shoes on the day,” Rhodey says.

Bucky makes a face and then bites his taco.

"I'm leaving on Monday, by the way. Three days, going to Abu Dhabi," Rhodey shares, sipping on his coke.

Bucky arches an eyebrow. "Fancy," he says, smiling.

Rhodey's getting so used to that smile; he's starting to fear what will happen when he won't be able to see it anymore.

~~

A few days later, Rhodey's coming back from his trip, holding his bag in one hand. He looks at Bucky's door across the hallway and looks at his watch, it's 9 PM.

He'll see him tomorrow.

Except that when Rhodey opens the door to his room, Bucky's lying down on Rhodey's bed, fast asleep, with his shoes and jacket on.

Rhodey's chest tightens at the sight and he's not prepared to face that.

He stands over the bed and runs a hand across Bucky's face until Bucky shifts on his spot, starting to wake.

"Hello, stranger in my bed," Rhodey greets, amused.

Bucky groans into the mattress and then rises to sit, rubbing his eyes. "I wanted to go pick you up, but I fell asleep," Bucky says, his eyes half-closed.

Rhodey nods slowly. "I can see that," he says. "It's fine. Hi," he says, smiling down at him.

Bucky lifts his chin for Rhodey to kiss him and he does; knows no different than to do that.

"Wanna order in?" Bucky offers.

Rhodey nods once. "Sure. You pick. I'll get out of these clothes," he says before going into the bathroom.

They're eating burgers and Bucky's going on about his week and Rhodey can't even remember what it was like before this.

He knows there was Carol but it's not the same; Bucky's carefree and yet thrilling and exciting. He's fun and thoughtful and sometimes even sober, serious.

Bucky wears his heart on his sleeve but keeps a lock on his thoughts.

Rhodey's almost terrified by how badly he wants to crawl inside and kiss all Bucky's rugged edges until he softens and straightens them.

He keeps doing the things Tony told him not to.

"Something's off with you tonight," Bucky catches up quickly. "What is it?" he asks, smiling, open.

Part of Rhodey wants to run off. Another part of him wants to hold on and never let go.

He's not sure which part he's supposed to listen to.

"C'mon, what?" Bucky asks again. "Did you hook up with someone over there or something?" he says, almost like he's joking.

And like that, Rhodey remembers pretty quickly the reality they're in.

"Why would you say that?" he asks, frowning.

Bucky opens his palm, defensively. "I'm just saying, you look off. In your head there," he says, but he smiles almost nervously. "Besides, it's fine, I wouldn't mind it—”

"Right," Rhodey interrupts him, his face stern. "Why would you? It's not like we're dating," he adds, faking nonchalance.

Bucky gives him a puzzled look, before he looks at his burger. "Right..." he mutters, looking at his hand holding his food. "Exactly," Bucky says, and looks at Rhodey, all friendly.

It makes Rhodey's stomach sink.

So he takes the last bite of his burger and shoves it into his mouth, angrily chewing on it before he stands up to go to the bathroom. "Alright, will you put that in the trashcan on your way out? I'll take them out tomorrow morning," he asks Bucky.

Bucky blinks at him from his bed. “Wait, what?” Bucky says, smiling, confused. 

Rhodey just shrugs. “I’m sorry, I’m too beat to do anything else and it's not like we're gonna cuddle so…"

Bucky takes that with a slow nod, giving an unimpressed pout. "Alright…I’ll go then,” he says, standing from the bed a little ceremoniously. He turns just as Rhodey’s about to go into the bathroom to brush his teeth. “Just, for the record— I’m not mad about anything,” Bucky says.

“I’m not mad about anything either," Rhodey repeats.

Bucky locks eyes with him but they’re so deep and telling that Rhodey can’t stare back for too long.

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

Bucky takes one step back and nods again.

"So…goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Rhodey lets go of a breath he didn't know he was holding when Bucky closes the door shut.

~~

Bucky hears the front door click shut as he pulls it, staring at the floor in the hallway until he hears: “Hey— wait, what are you doing coming out of your neighbor’s apartment?”

Sam is standing up from the floor by his door, with a half-raised finger.

Bucky shakes his head at all his other thoughts before he goes: “That's none of your business— what are you doing here?" he asks, getting his key from his pocket and opening the door, Sam following tight behind him.

Bucky goes over to the fridge to grab himself water and then turns to wait for Sam’s answer as the guy just leans into the kitchen counter.

"I got a gas leak,” Sam replies. “I sent you a text— said I was wondering if I could stay here with you while they get that fixed?" he explains.

Bucky looks down at his phone after taking it out of his pocket and sees he has a few unread messages.

“Oh. Yeah, sure,” Bucky says. “You can take the couch ‘cause Rhodey helped me move Steve’s stuff to turn that room into a home office,” he says before he can’t stop himself.

“Rhodey?” Sam asks. “I didn’t know you guys hung out,” he adds, frowning.

Bucky sighs and figures, what’s the point anyway. “Sam…” he trails and he makes a motion with his head towards Rhodey’s apartment outside.

Sam’s frown deepens before his eyebrows curve upwards and his mouth falls. “Oh, shit. Holy shit,” he says, his mouth still open but he’s almost laughing. “ _Rhodey_ ’s the guy you’re sleeping with?”

“Okay, why is that such a surprise for you?” Bucky crosses his arms.

Sam moves one shoulder. “I thought he had taste,” Sam jokes. 

“Do you wanna sleep on the street, Wilson?” Bucky shoots back.

Sam smiles, holding his hands open in surrender.

“You want anything?” Bucky asks, pointing at his fridge.

“You got orange juice?” Sam says and Bucky turns to pour him some.

He's watching Sam drink the juice when he remembers. "Mmm, not that I mind you bunking in at all, but, can I ask you something?" Bucky says and Sam moves his eyebrows in reply. "Why didn't you go to Riley's?"

Sam moves his head back, away from the glass, making a face. “What— are you crazy? I can’t do that,” he says, a pitch too high.

“What, why not?” Bucky says. “You’ve been seeing him for like five months.”

“Ok, first of all, that’s not true, technically. I’ve been _talking_ to him for five months,” he corrects Bucky, who just rolls his eyes. “And second of all, we’ve only gone out in, like, three dates, okay? His roommate hates me, I—” Sam says, shaking his head. “I can’t just go and be all up in his space like that, that’s— it's like a committed couple's thing," he says, at last.

Bucky just widens his eyes.

He really hadn’t thought of it like that. 

“Wow,” Bucky says. “I mean, I just mentioned it ‘cause it would’ve been a good time for you to finally get some,” he adds, shrugging.

“Well, you know, slow and steady wins the race,” Sam says, winking. 

~~

Rhodey knocks on Bucky's door the next morning, ready to properly talk about last night when he finds Steve's other friend, Sam, opening the door, wearing a towel.

"Rhodey, hey!" he greets him, with a big smile.

Rhodey's mouth falls slowly, before he presses his lips together, his mind connecting dots quickly but he's trying to keep his cool about it. "H-hi," he says. "Uhm, where— where's Bucky?"

"He's in the shower, you know how he takes forever," Sam says, rolling his eyes and Rhodey's throat goes dry.

He expected a lot of inevitable disasters of how this would've come clashing, but he didn't think it'd feel this sour.

"Right," Rhodey says and looks the other way.

"Actually, we're right on the clock, so— did you want anything?" Sam offers, a bright smile still fixed to his face.

Rhodey shakes his head slowly, making a helpless pout. "No, not really," he lies.

Sam tilts his head upwards. "You came here at 7:30 a.m. for no reason?" he asks.

Rhodey blinks in realization of how dumb that sounds. "Right, yeah, I— I'm missing a few eggs for my breakfast. I wanted to borrow some, I'll pay him back," he asks Sam and the guy nods and moves to get the egg carton.

"There ya' go," Sam says, all friendly smiles and Rhodey's never felt smaller.

It's not like he can even hate Sam, really.

"Thanks," Rhodey says, taking the carton from him.

Now he has two full egg cartons to fill his empty stomach.

He's contemplating how much of an idiot he is when he remembers he has to take out his trash and moves slowly to do so, only to find them leaving Bucky's apartment, cracking a joke about something.

"Bye, Rhodes!" Sam waves him when he passes by him on his way to the elevator; Rhodey's just keeping his face down.

"Hey, will you wait for me downstairs? I'll be there in a sec," Rhodey hears Bucky tell Sam before he comes to approach him. "Hey," Bucky addresses him, quietly.

"Hello," Rhodey replies dryly, just shoving his bags into the garbage disposal. 

"Aaand you're still mad at me, okay..." Bucky says, nodding.

"No," Rhodey says, shutting the lid close, loudly. "I wasn't mad, I was tired and then I came to your apartment this morning to find Sam in a _towel_ and I was confused," he adds, pressing almost every vowel.

He crosses his arms and turns to Bucky, serious.

Bucky's face does a whole journey between being confused to amused to, lastly, offended. "Wait, hold on a second, _what_?" he says, his palm open and his features screwed. "Yes, Sam stayed in last night because he has a gas leak in his apartment— but you know what? Fuck you, I don’t have to explain myself to you, you know why? 'Cause,” he raised his hands in quotations “we're not dating.”

Rhodey sighs. "Bucky..." Rhodey begins, taking a step towards him.

"No, I'm late for work," Bucky says, stopping him with an open hand and pushing him away just a little.

Rhodey stands there feeling, for the first time in his life, that he didn't fight for what he wanted hard enough.

~~

"Is something wrong?" Steve asks on Wednesday when Bucky stares too long at his salad and doesn't make any quirky comment about the chicken breasts plate for the practice reception dinner.

"'msorry— what?" Bucky asks, dropping his hand away from his chin.

"You okay?" Steve asks him and Bucky just blinks. "Tony said Rhodey's been gone since last Monday," he adds.

Yeah, he bailed on whatever it was they were building. But it's not like Bucky was counting the days; he'd given up on his chances long ago.

Bucky just shrugs. "Yeah?" he goes, but he's just looking at the boring lettuce of his lunch.

"You didn't know?" Steve wonders.

Bucky just does one shake. "Yeah, I'm not— doing that anymore," he says, vaguely.

"By 'that', you mean Rhodey?" Steve asks.

"I mean being friends with him— close. I don't know, that. Whatever.” Bucky half-explains and gets up.

"Bucky, wait— you guys...broke up?" he asks and Bucky rolls his eyes.

"We weren’t dating. And stop acting like it's a funeral or something. It's two weeks to your wedding. Rhodes and I agreed to call it off before the wedding came," he lies.

"Rhodes?"

"Rhodey— _whatever_. It's all fine," Bucky says, annoyed.

He's still pissed but he'd be damned if he brings his drama to Steve; he can wait a few weeks more.

Steve doesn't say anything else to grant Bucky his privacy, but he knows Bucky enough to fear a storm coming.


	4. Part Four: Of weddings, healing and doing things backwards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING for past **drug addiction, sex under substance abuse, emotionally abusive relationship, & suicide mention**.

Rhodey's leaning on one foot, his mind wandering to how tall the ceiling is and how much money it must've cost Tony to find this venue available on June, when Sonya goes: “Wait, there's gotta be a mistake here, I have two best men called James—”

"Nope, no mistake. There's two of us," Bucky says, coming up from behind her. "Hi, sorry I'm late," he adds, standing next to Rhodey on their marked spot.

It's the rehearsal of the rehearsal dinner for next weekend. Pepper told Tony to be extremely thorough.

"Took you long enough," Rhodey mutters.

Bucky squints his eyes but he smiles bitterly. "Yeah, well, I was too busy with all the sex I've been having," he says, loudly. Then he turns to Sonya and adds: "With my friend Sam, _specifically_."

Rhodey just rolls his eyes.

"Seriously? It's been weeks," Rhodey says, a little annoyed.

"Ok, what's the deal here?" Sonya says, pointing at them. "Do I have to put you two on separate ends of the room? ‘Cause that’s gonna be hard to pull with that of ya’all being the best men."

"It's fine...” Rhodey tries to say.

"Yeah, if fine is what you u call it when someone gets jealous over nothing even though _he_ was the one who kept saying the relationship was meaningless?" Bucky jumps in, sarcastic smile on his face.

Rhodey just narrows his eyes, turning to him. "Ok, wait, hold on. When did I say that?"

"You kept saying we're not dating," Bucky shrugs.

"That still doesn't mean I thought our friendship was meaningless," Rhodey retorts.

"Friendship?" Bucky asks, almost stunned.

"Yes. That's what I thought it was," Rhodey says, lower this time, and he looks down before he looks at Bucky again.

Bucky stares at him blank for a few seconds before he just looks up and pouts. "Well, you have a shitty way to treat your friends, Rhodes," he says and then moves out of his spot. "Listen, this is not gonna work," he says, going over to the wedding planner. "How about you just give me a signal whenever I'm doing something or standing where I shouldn't and that's it?" he asks her with a forced smile.

"That's not how it works—”

"Great, then," Bucky doesn't even listen to her as he leaves the room in big steps.

Rhodey already hated the situation enough as it was, but remembering that he was proving Tony right made him hate it even more.

~~

Rhodey sees Bucky again later that night, on his way out of his apartment as Rhodey’s coming out of the elevator.

Sam’s at his back as Bucky locks his door and Rhodey just tries to look casual. Which Sam seems to get just fine because he waves at him vaguely and Rhodey just nods at him, saying hi back.

Bucky notices Rhodey’s there and makes a face.

“Hey, can we talk?” Rhodey tries, taking a step towards them.

“Nope. I’m busy,” Bucky answers quickly, bumping his shoulder against Rhodey’s as he walks past him towards the elevator to leave.

“We’re— uhm, we got Steve’s bachelor party,” Sam tries to explain.

“Sam, get moving!” Bucky yells behind Rhodey and he just sighs.

When he looks down, he notices something shining between his feet on the carpeted floor.

“Wait, guys, hold on—“ Rhodey calls but the elevator’s doors are already closed. “You dropped this,” Rhodey says, to himself at that point, as he looks at what’s surely gonna be Tony’s marriage ring.

~~

Next morning, Rhodey's sitting on the couch, reading the Times when he hears Bucky's voice coming from the hallway, upset. 

“No, Sam, I'm telling you, I already looked everywhere—”

Rhodey smiles sympathetically to himself and grabs the ring from the bowl.

"The elevator, the halls. Man, Steve’s going to kill me—”

“Are you looking for this?” Rhodey asks from the threshold of his apartment and Bucky's lips curve into a thin, a little embarrassed, line.

"Hey, I'll call you back. I found it," Bucky says on the line and then takes a step towards Rhodey, holding the ring in his fingers. "Thanks," Bucky mutters, taking it from him.

"Yeah, you dropped it on your way out," Rhodey says, crossing his arms. "So, you're up early, considering last night..." Rhodey wonders, just glad Bucky's letting him speak to him again.

"Please, it's Steve. We just went to an avant-garde art show and then had a few drinks at the Black Swan," Bucky says.

"I'm not sure Steve understands the concept of a bachelor party," Rhodey inquires.

"That's exactly what I said," Bucky agrees. "But, you know, best man duties...I have to do something _he_ wants," he says, opening his eyes comically.

Rhodey chuckles and for a split second, everything is right in the world.

Rhodey wets his lips before he goes: “Listen, Bucky, I don't want us to be like this. We promised we wouldn't be like this—”

"No, you promised," Bucky corrects him, sharply, but then he sighs and shakes his head, like he regretted it.

"I don’t have bad blood with people. That's not who I am," Rhodey says. "I'm sorry if I upset you with anything I said, that was never my intention."

Bucky's eyes are glued to the 'welcome' carpet in front of Rhodey's door.

“I know that you’re not an asshole,” Bucky says, softly, staring at the ring in his fingers.

“Then why do you keep treating me like I’m one?”

“Because you’re trying to be one, Rhodey," Bucky replies, exasperated. "And damn, you're getting good at it," he adds, looking deep into his eyes.

That much blue should be illegal.

“So, where are we?” Rhodey asks, and he notices his throat has gone dry.

“I don’t know. All I know is that my best friend is marrying your best friend in a week so I guess we’re gonna have to deal with each other right now,” Bucky shrugs, before he turns on his heels and leaves Rhodey standing at his door.

That sour, iron taste in Rhodey's tongue, he's all too familiar with.

It's the flavor of fresh, bleeding heartache.

* * *

Bucky's moving through the homepage of Netflix, trying to see what to watch and decidedly trying to _not_ think about this being the third Friday he doesn't spend watching something with Rhodey.

Even his couch looks fucking huge now.

And almost as some kind of mental, magnetic pull, Bucky hears a knock on the door and his heart picks up a little.

He changes from his, frankly depressing, stained pajamas into a dark blue Aeropostale t-shirt and swings the door open.

Not that he cares what Rhodey would think, though. 

But it doesn’t matter because all Bucky finds when he opens his door is Stark, standing there, hands behind his back.

Bucky frowns at him and Stark just lets out a breath. “I brought—” he moves his hand and Bucky flinches. “Beers," Stark declares, showing the twelve pack. "Wait, what did you think I was gonna pull?”

“A gun?” Bucky points and Stark walks past him into his apartment.

“That was my first choice,” he deadpans.

"Sure, come on in," Bucky says sarcastically.

Tony smiles at him, though, and Bucky feels like he's having a bizarre dream. "Can you close the door? I don't want Rhodey to know I'm here."

Bucky frowns again but he does as asked. "You know, this whole secretive thing you got going— it's not healthy for friendships," he says, once the door is closed.

"Yeah, hilarious," Tony says, his face not moving.

Bucky holds his gaze for a brief moment before he shakes his head. "Ok, what the hell are you doing here then if not to smother me?" he asks, crossing his arms.

"Steve told me you were miserable, I had to come see for myself," Tony says.

Bucky just fights the urge to roll his eyes. "Well, I can go back to my miserable pajamas, if that would satisfy you," he offers and Stark just rolls his eyes, frustrated. "Listen, whatever Steve asked you to do for me, you don't have to, okay? We can just tell him you did it...” Bucky starts to say, making his way to the door again.

"Steve doesn't know I'm here, either," Tony says and Bucky stops on his track.

"Oh, so, you _are_ going to kill me," Bucky says, turning back to him.

Stark half sits on the couch back and holds the twelve pack with both hands, almost like he's keeping them together. "Not that I don't enjoy this whole quippy exchange we got going but— I'm serious,” he says and it makes Bucky feel a different kind of confused.

A slightly more nervous one.

"I know something happened between you and Rhodey," Tony says, his face all concerned.

"Nothing happened," Bucky's quick to say.

"So, you're still seeing him?" Tony asks and Bucky just zips his mouth. "That's what I thought. Listen, Rhodey won't tell me what went wrong—”

"Nothing went wrong. We just— we agreed we would call it off by the time the wedding came. You know, to avoid being a cliché and all that," Bucky says.

"Yeah, you're full of shit," Tony simply says, moving one shoulder.

Bucky just stands, defeated.

"Barnes, I know when my best friend is hurting and—” Stark looks up to the ceiling with a deep breath. "I can't believe I'm saying this but...I have a feeling it’s not your fault, is it?" he asks.

"You think if it was, I would just tell you?"

"Yes," Tony replies easily, Bucky just gives him a look. "Yeah, I think behind the whole 'I hate everyone and trust nobody' facade you got going, there's a pretty honest guy," he adds. "You assume everyone lies to you, so you don't."

"When did you become an expert in psychology?" Bucky asks, almost amused.

"Last night. I read an Oxford University paper on the psychological tools to implement in aiding your friends through emotional stagnation," Tony explains.

Bucky just quirks an eyebrow at him.

"Fine, I read a Cosmo on how to help your best friend deal with a breakup," he admits and Bucky actually snorts a laugh at that.

Tony smirks at him, like suddenly they're friends.

"Look, I'm not saying you have to bare your feelings to me...I just wanna know what happened," Tony asks, with genuine concern in his eyes.

"I'm not the guy you should be asking that question," Bucky simply replies, crossing his arms.

Stark sighs. "Alright, but he won't tell me anything," he explains, frustrated. "I think it's because he thinks I'm gonna say 'I told you so'— which, yeah, normally I would, but," he drops a note and looks down, somewhat upset. "Actually, I just feel like I should say I'm sorry," he says, and he's not looking at Bucky.

"Sorry for what?" Bucky wonders.

Stark gives him a doubtful look before he gives in: "I may have put some things in his head."

"What things?" Bucky shoots, not really meaning to sound that aggressive. 

Stark opens a hand defensively. "Just... things. About himself. About how he should handle you," he answers but Bucky's still not following. "Look, Rhodey's not a 'no strings attached' kind of guy, okay? I may have steered his way into this emotional constipation," he explains.

Bucky opens his mouth in an 'o'.

"So, you know, whatever it is he did to push you away, I'm sure it's because I told him to do it," Tony admits, looking really ashamed.

Bucky lets his head fall, almost amused at Tony's heartfelt confession.

"Tell me something, Stark," Bucky says, and he goes to grab the twelve-pack from Tony's hands. "Do you think Rhodey's a guy who's easily manipulated?" he asks, giving Tony his back as he walks over to the kitchen island and puts the pack there, flipping one can open. "Or do you think he's unshakably stubborn, strong-willed?"

Stark is blinking at him, getting it.

"Whatever it is you said to Rhodey was pointless. If he already had any doubts, he did this on his own, don't beat yourself up about it," he says, handing Tony the beer and then flipping one for himself. "Besides, it's for the best, anyway," he adds, before sipping.

Stark swallows his drink, staring at him deeply; his brow furrowed.

"That's kind of a selfish way to think, though," Tony says, frowning.

"What?"

"Well, you're deciding for him what _you_ think it's best," he replies.

"Except I'm not the one who called it off," Bucky retorts.

"Yeah, but you gave up, too," Tony's quick to reply. "I mean, I know my friend and despite how much I can idolize Rhodey, I know he can make mistakes— however, I hardly see Rhodey fighting against you fighting for him. If you had told him how you really feel, he never would've let you go."

Bucky averts his eyes from him, then.

He fears everything Tony's saying, he's known for too long, too.

But every dark corner of him is telling him he's simply not worthy of something as pure and kind as Rhodey.

"A relationship is like rope-pulling, it can only last so long as both sides are dragging closer," Tony says and Bucky thinks of many things that are wrong with his metaphor, but he decides against his lesser nature of being a little shit.

Instead, he goes, open and honest: "I'm no good for him."

Bucky's looking down at the can in his hands, resting against the island, when Stark moves to stand next to him, shoulder to shoulder.

"Yeah, you could be right. You can probably damage Rhodey beyond repair, in which case I'll be forced to mangle you—”

"You do realize you're, like, five feet six and your threats are empty to me, right?" Bucky says, turning to Tony with a flat hand, measuring how shorter than Bucky he is.

“— _or_ ,” Stark cuts in, louder, ignoring Bucky's joke. Then he turns to Bucky with a friendly small smile. "You could _not_ give up, and make yourself worthy of him. Every day," he offers, moving one shoulder.

Bucky just gives him one side-look. "You talk like you know what I'm saying," he says.

Stark looks down and smiles softly at the silver, hand-crafted ring in his hand. "Well, you know who I'm marrying, so..."

The corner of Bucky's mouth draws up before he says, leaning his shoulder to Tony's: "You _are_ worthy of him, Stark."

Tony gives one single nod. "Maybe, maybe not. But I'll never know if I don't try, at least," he says. “...Just like you with Rhodey," he adds.

Bucky glances at him before he stares at the lights out his window, scattered all over New York's imposing outlook.

"That's actually pretty insightful— for you," Bucky says a beat later, joking.

Tony smiles almost triumphantly. "I know," he says. Then he turns on his feet, putting a hand on Bucky's shoulder before he mutters closely: "...'cause it was Rhodey who said it."

Stark gives him one more honest look, his lips pressed into a small, flat smile, before he leaves Bucky with a turmoil of thoughts and ten unopened cans of beer. 

* * *

Rhodey thinks the concept of a practice dinner for another practice reception dinner is, quite frankly, ridiculous. There's so little ways one can fuck up how to sit on a goddamned chair. (That's also got your name on it, by the way).

"I didn't throw an engagement party, so, think of this as that," Tony mutters into his ear, glass raised. "Plus, this way we can know if you can sit next to you know who," he adds.

"Stark, I'm literally standing right here," Bucky says through his teeth, as he smiles for the rest of their guests, standing by Steve's side, next to Tony.

Tony makes a face at Rhodey and Rhodey just shakes his head and downs his champagne.

After they're done with the whole planned speech interval and move on to eating, Rhodey figures he can start practicing what he's actually gonna be doing at the wedding party:

Drinking at the bar.

"Now, whatever did that glass of expensive scotch ever do to you?" Rhodey hears from his left, and turns to find Carol in a red silk dress, attaching perfectly to all the corners of her body.

Rhodey blinks and swallows. It'd been six months since he'd last seen her, she was sporting a side buzzcut that made her hair look darker from her natural blonde shade.

"Hi," Rhodey greets and it's so soft in his ears he even doubts he's the one who said it.

"You think I can sit here? I— I think it's about time," Carol says and her eyes look big.

Rhodey considers asking 'time for what' but he knows what Carol means just by looking at her.

A part of them will always know each other.

"I— I miss my best friend," she adds, looking down.

"He misses you, too," Rhodey says, smiling at her, before tapping on the stool next to him. Carol sits quietly and Rhodey calls the bartender with his fingers. "You still take bourbon on the rocks?"

"Hell, yes, no matter how many mojitos Jessica makes me try. I don't like mint in my drinks," Carol jokes and Rhodey zips his mouth. "Right, I can _not_ talk about my girlfriend, sorry," she apologizes as Rhodey mutters her order to the bartender.

"It's fine," Rhodey says.

"No, no, I don't need to push it—”

“Carol, it's been almost a year. Trust me, I'm fine," Rhodey says.

And he is. Regarding Carol at least, he is.

The only silver lining to having fucked up everything between him and Bucky was that he was no longer miserable about her.

They hit their glasses together, smiling widely at each other, when a new song starts playing and Carol's eyes go wide as she drinks, recognizing it.

"Oh my god, do you remember this one?" she asks him and Rhodey's getting there but it's only the acoustic intro bit.

"Welcome to the planet...welcome to existence," the guy starts to sing and something clicks in Rhodey's brain to old CD walkmans and three-hour trips to late-night concerts.

"Oh my god, Switchfoot!" he shouts, and Carol giggles excitedly.

She offers her hand without question and Rhodey hesitates to grab it. "C'mon, for old times' sake," she asks.

"I dare you to move, I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor," the song sings and in Carol's eyes, Rhodey finds he's healed.

So, yeah, they deserve this.

Rhodey's been dancing with Carol for a few songs, swinging her around and moving rhythmically to the playlist the DJ set when she holds tighter to his shoulder.

“Can I ask you something?" she mutters in a curious tone at Rhodey's ear. Rhodey hums in reply. "Why is Steve’s best friend carving holes in my skull right now?” she asks.

And then Rhodey looks up behind Carol to see Bucky not subtly quickly averting his eyes from them; Rhodey sighs and there's that tug in his chest again. 

He’s just so tired of being a sad love song. 

He drops Carol's hand slowly, not up to dancing anymore, and motions with his head for her to follow him back to the bar.

Rhodey sits with a thud and motions the bartender to pour him a glass again; Carol just leans on the table to look at him.

"So, when you said you were okay, you _were_ lying— but not in the way I thought," Carol says, her smile tiny and caring.

"Yeah, when they say a nail drives out another, they don't really tell you at what cost," Rhodey says, bitterly.

"You never struck me as that kind of man," Carol says, her brow furrowed. "You know, the one to use a person like that..."

Rhodey shakes his head. "I wasn't trying to."

"Then what happened?" Carol wonders.

Rhodey looks at his amber drink and thinks of slim fingers taking a cigarette from his hand and bright light-bulbs. "Bucky happened," he replies, his smile bittersweet.

Carol tilts her head a little and her lips curve into a small smile, almost like she's moved by Rhodey's feelings for someone else, and Rhodey learns for the third time tonight just how much they've healed from their own wounds, even if he still feels like he's bleeding.

"Tell me," she asks, softly, and sits on the stool, her body turned to him.

"Do you remember the last time we saw each other before this? It was at Maria Hill's party, right after New Year's and all," Rhodey asks.

"Right, when you avoided me the whole night," Carol points.

"Well, I wasn't ready to see you then, so I went outside and I met him that night and we talked and—” Rhodey takes a deep breath. "It was like I'd known him my whole life, you know? Not a fact, a _feeling_. Here in my chest."

Rhodey puts his hand on his heart as he speaks, turning his body to Carol, who's just looking attentively at him.

"I looked at him and it was like, 'oh, there you are. I can’t wait to hear about all the things I missed before I met you'," he adds, not really looking at Carol.

"Wow," she whispers. "It sounds to me like you're in love, Jimmy," Carol points out, popping the bubble Rhodey was living in.

He smiles despite feeling miserable, it’d been a while since he heard that nickname. "Well, yeah, but I blew it," Rhodey still admits, and chugs the rest of his drink.

"How so?" Carol asks, still softly as ever, tilting her head.

"I don't know how to love gently," Rhodey says, his lips pressed into a line, sad. "I just pour myself all over 'till I'm all spilled and made a mess," he adds.

Carol looks down, letting a breath out.

Rhodey knows that as much as he blames himself for their fallout, Carol blames herself, too.

He just does one shake of his head. "It's like Tony says: I go a thousand miles per hour and just...crash," Rhodey says, his voice barely registering.

"You think Barnes doesn't feel the same way about you," she says but her tone is asking.

"I think he's made himself believe he can't," Rhodey retorts, as the bartender pours him more alcohol. "And the worst part is that I just let him. I thought it was what I wanted, I guess."

And that's really what it boiled down to: a better version of himself would've proved Bucky wrong, would've made Bucky see himself the way Rhodey does.

"I didn't wanna push him, but now I'm just realizing that instead, I let him go," Rhodey adds in a low voice.

"It's not like you to give up on something you want," Carol says, her smile curved small.

Rhodey lets out a sour chuckle. "I know," he agrees. "But Bucky's gone through something— something that changed him. And I don't know what it is."

He only knows Bucky holds himself back when he thinks Rhodey's not looking, but Rhodey always is. Even when he’s trying not to.

"I don't wanna pry," Rhodey points, looking at her, but then he shakes his head and continues: "But there's only so many ways I can help if I don't know what’s hurting him."

Carol tilts her head again and her blue eyes shine just as Rhodey remembers. "Always the fixer, huh?"

Rhodey moves his head to the side and then back, half-shaking. "It's not about fixing him, it's about letting him know he deserves to be happy," he says, simply. And then his face twists in regret. "But all I did was turn into this fakely-unattached, entitled asshole that I didn't recognise and that nobody would like."

"Well, I certainly didn't like him," Bucky says behind him and Rhodey startles on his sport.

"Bucky..." slips out of Rhodey's mouth as soon as he turns. But when Rhodey sees him, Bucky's actually looking at Carol, with a careful smile on his face.

Then Rhodey goes back to facing his ex-girlfriend, who's just giving him a helpless look.

"You could've told me he was standing there," Rhodey says, a little accusing.

"It felt like you were saying something he deserved to hear," Carol replies, squinting one eye.

"That's cold," Rhodey says but Carol just smiles and comes closer to him.

"Yeah, well," she says in a low tone so Bucky can't hear. "If you fix things up with him, I'll count that as my redemption," she tells Rhodey with a soft tone and a hand on his shoulder. Then she turns to Bucky, her hand stretched out. "Barnes, right?"

"Indeed. Carol, I presume," Bucky replies and they shake hands and for a second there Rhodey feels he might actually just be drunk.

"Pleasure," Carol says with a friendly smile, then she pulls him by the hand she was shaking and goes: "Listen, I'm sure I don't have to tell you not to let this one go, right?"

Bucky's mouth drops slightly, a little startled, but then he chuckles softly and Carol lets go of his hand.

"I'll see you at the wedding," Carol tells Rhodey before she turns to give them space and leaves.

Bucky takes a careful step towards him, both of them just watching Carol go. "You know...seeing her, I totally get why you were hung up. And I'm gay," Bucky jokes and they both laugh a little.

But then the laughter dies down and Rhodey's just looking at Bucky's face and he missed the way those blue eyes shine.

"Can I sit here?" Bucky asks, pointing at the stool next to Rhodey.

Rhodey doesn't even have to think about it before he answers. "I mean you can, but, you should know— this is my suffering zone, so," Rhodey says not sure if Bucky will remember. But Bucky smiles so widely his dimples show.

"I'll be cautious," Bucky jokes back, sitting down.

They share a look that goes deeper than whatever words they can muster but Rhodey needs to fill in the air. "Bucky, I'm sorry for acting like an idiot."

"I know. I heard what you said," Bucky says, raising a hand as if to stop him. Then he takes a deep breath and gives a signal to the bartender before turning to Rhodey again. "And you're right. I feel like you've done all the talking and that's not fair."

"What?" Rhodey blinks.

The bartender pours him a bourbon after Bucky points to a bottle on the top shelf and then he downs his drink in one go; Rhodey's just watching carefully.

"His name was Helmut," Bucky mutters looking at the bar table, with a somber look but a smile on his face. "I met him in my senior year of high school; he'd just moved into the neighborhood. German family, but they had moved to Ukraine and then fled when shit got complicated there," he adds.

Rhodey's just frowning and shaking his head. "You don't have to tell me anything, Bucky," Rhodey assures him.

Bucky smiles into his new cup. "I know. I'm telling you 'cause I want to," he says and then shrugs. "You were right, I don't talk about my past with people I like because I never think there's a future with them— it's my defense mechanism. But it only left you confused and wondering, and...I get it."

"I'm sure you had your reasons," Rhodey says, terrified he’s gonna mess this up again..

Bucky nods once before he says: "He wasn't good for me; or himself, for that matter—”

Rhodey looks down but this time he doesn't try to stop Bucky from sharing his story.

So, with a knot in his throat but full conviction, Bucky does.

"Like I said, I was still in high school when we met. He was a drop-out, a few years older, too. But he had this whole thing going, this kind of mysterious vibe and I dug it. I was well aware that I liked guys at the time but I had never really acted on it, not until him."

There had been a deeply alluring energy around Helmut that Bucky had been unable to keep himself from being drawn to him.

And then what he imagined a thousand times but never believed would happen, did.

"For some reason I still don't quite get, we hit it off," Bucky remembers with a bitter smile now. "Steve never liked him. He was quiet, didn't really engage in groups, but with me, he seemed relaxed. Then I found out it was just 'cause he was high most of the time."

It rolls off his tongue easier than he expected it to and he looks at Rhodey just to see what kind of reaction he has but all Rhodey's doing is looking attentively at him, his eyes deep.

Bucky wets his lips then. "We started dating the summer I graduated high school; like I said, he was a few years older than me but since he dropped out, maturity-wise, we were pretty much on the same page," he says.

Rhodey moves his head to the side.

Bucky knows what he's thinking. "Yeah, I know that sounds like something a 17-year-old would say to justify a whole adult preying on them, don't worry. I know now," he says. "He was 21 when I turned 18 and went off to college, and that's when shit really went downhill," he adds, raising his eyebrows.

The bartender pours them more liquor and they drink silently before Bucky continues:

"I roomed with Steve because we planned for it before Helmut and I started seeing each other but at some point mid my first semester, I was pretty much living in this floor he rented with a bunch of strangers he met in some job he got; they didn't care about him and his spiraling drug abuse; I mean, they didn't care about themselves, either," he shares, making a face. "And I— I just went down there with him without noticing. First it was pot, you know, the gateway drug, they say," Bucky jokes, bitterly. "I thought, you know, 'I'm in college, what the hell, this might as well be fun'. At the time, I didn't realize he had a problem, you know? Getting high was such a part of his daily routine that I just kinda had accepted it as his personality. 'Oh, he's just tired. Oh, he's just relaxed. Oh, he's just excited. It's fine'."

Bucky's tone drops a little as he shakes his head and his eyes fill up a bit.

"And then, the first time we did it, we were both baked," he reveals, with a bitter grin.

The taste of the smoke in his throat and everything getting slow and dull around him is what he remembers most vividly about his first time having sex.

Rhodey closes his eyes slowly, at a loss of words.

Bucky realizes not even Steve knows this.

Hell, he doesn't even remember telling Dr. Andrew this.

"He didn't coerce me or anything, I wanted to get high and I wanted to have sex. I just wasn't sure about them at the same time. But getting high was just what we had been doing lately whenever we hung out. I was stressed 'cause of college and it helped me. And then one day, I caught him with the apartment to himself and well, one thing led to the other— and I hurt him," he says.

Rhodey looks like he's a split second from pulling Bucky in for a hug but Rhodey also knows Bucky needs to get all this off his chest, so he just nods and lets Bucky keep going.

"I— obviously I had no idea what the fuck I was doing and he didn't care about anything happening to realize we were doing it wrong— I know all first times are messy but..." Bucky lets out a breath.

"No, but, this was different. It was—” Rhodey blinks and swallows. "You weren't there, Bucky. You weren't present in it. Not really," he says with that glow in his dark eyes.

Bucky just smiles faintly and Rhodey drags his arm up to rub Bucky's hand lying on the table.

"After that, we really got together, you know? Like, full-blown relationship, and then I was pretty much living with him in that shared condo and Steve was constantly nagging me about it— 'cause he knew. He knew something wasn't okay," Bucky says and looks ahead from the bar, to where Steve is.

Steve's laughing with Sam, Tony clinging to Steve's arm with a glass of champagne in his hand.

"Like I said, I was pretty much living there for like a month when he graduated me to other stuff— pills, meth, coke and then the big one: heroin," Bucky lets out a deep breath after the words have left his mouth.

Like a haunting mantra of trauma and pain. Pills, meth, coke, and heroin; the four pillars of his shitshow of a relationship.

"I had become a shell of myself; looked like a fucking ghost, almost. Bags under my eyes, hair down to here," Bucky says, pointing to a spot slightly higher than the middle of his back. "Bearded, slacky— I did wrestling when I was in high school so all the muscle I had built was, just, floppy. My arms were a fucking bruisy mess, all of me was and I just refused to see it. I blamed college for failing my classes, I blamed Steve for being an annoying prick. And so I cut him off, and my family, too. I couldn't let anyone see me 'cause I knew I looked like a horror show. And Helmut was even worse than I was, he just knew how to hide it better," Bucky shakes his head. "Every time I tried to quit, he would just pull me back in— manipulate me into using again because he didn't know better. It was only after I was out that I realized our whole relationship was us abusing drugs and not really feeling shit about each other. None of it was real."

He takes another gulp of his drink and closes his eyes, pressing the bubbling tears back in.

"How did you get out of it?" Rhodey asks, carefully looking at him and Bucky's mouth dries.

Time to rip the band-aid off. "I overdosed during one Christmas break," Bucky lets out, his eyes glued to his empty glass because he can't bring himself to look at Rhodey's disappointed face.

He can't keep tears from rolling down his face as his heart picks up with all the emotions he feels remembering the darkest time of his life.

But he's in a wedding reception practice, so he shouldn't be doing this. "Shit, sorry," Bucky mutters, letting out a bitter chuckle and running a hand across his cheek.

"Hey," Rhodey calls for him, and he dries Bucky's other cheek. "We're in the suffering zone, remember? It's safe to do that here," he says, assuringly looking into Bucky's eyes.

Safe.

Bucky can't remember the last time he felt that around someone who wasn't Steve.

"Alright, where was I?" Bucky goes, after taking a deep breath.

"Are you sure you wanna keep going?" Rhodey stills wonders, his hand back down to just slightly touching the tip of Bucky's fingers.

Bucky nods, calmed, and takes another drink to ease his sore throat. "When that happened, I realized I had hit rock bottom. I woke up to Steve sleeping on a chair next to me; I had him listed as my emergency contact and even though I hadn't seen him in the last three months, he still didn't call my folks. I just remember him sitting there… and when he opened his eyes, they were a little swollen so I knew he'd been crying, and he had this look on his face that was something between devastation and anger.”

"He thought you had done it on purpose?" Rhodey wonders with a frown, and Bucky can't help but smile at him. "What?"

"Usually when I've told people about my OD'd, they all have assumed I did— all three of the people I've told this to," Bucky says, looking at Rhodey amused by how easily he seems to get Bucky.

Rhodey just moves one shoulder. "Well, I just assumed you slipped. Didn't really measure how much you could take and it got out of your hand— did you do it on purpose?"

Bucky just shakes his head, still smiling a little.

"I didn't think so, either," Rhodey agrees. "Not everyone with drug addiction is suicidal," he adds before he takes another drink of his scotch. "So, I assume Steve talked sense into you?"

"He did. And for the first time in almost eight years, I listened to him, and I broke up with Helmut," Bucky says, and he takes a breath, his eyes still cast down.

"Why do I feel like he didn't go easily?" Rhodey asks when Bucky's kept quiet for too long.

"Yeah, the next few months were tough," Bucky says, with a tired look on his eyes. "Went to rehab, then he followed me there. I thought we could work something out if we both changed but the second we were out, we fell off the wagon again. Steve literally trapped me in my room once, Helmut wouldn't stop texting or trying to reach me— one day he even sneaked into one of my classes. Then I finally realized, or let myself realize, I guess, none of this was healthy. I asked him to meet me in a park and we talked and I thought he understood but when I got home he had sent me this text telling me that he couldn't live without me, that no one else was gonna be able to love me like he did, and that if he wasn't good for me like I had told him he wasn't then he was good for nothing and no one—” Bucky's voice drops as he goes until it's barely hearable. "Next day, I woke up to learn he shot himself," Bucky finishes with that sour taste on the tip of his tongue that he knows all too well.

When he looks at Rhodey, his eyes are big and wet and his mouth is pressed closed tightly.

It's not pity, it's not sorrow. It's like he's sad just because Bucky ever was.

"I'm so, so sorry," Rhodey says and his grip on Bucky's hand is tight; but the soothing kind of tight. Not hurting, just firm.

"Me, too— and it took me a long time to understand it wasn't on me. In fact, I'm still working on it, but you know— I still feel sorry for him," Bucky admits.

"Of course," Rhodey understands.

Bucky lets out a deep sigh, raising his shoulders and then lowering them, and turns to Rhodey, with his hands open. "So... that's my baggage— are sure you still want this? 'Cause it's a bit more than a handful," Bucky says, moving one shoulder, in a helpless gesture, and he puts his hands on the bar table again.

Rhodey looks Bucky's hand and grabs it in his, pulling Bucky's knuckles to his lips. "Not to me, not when it's you," Rhodey mutters softly and Bucky knows he's not lying.

He knows because Bucky wouldn't lie, either.

But before Bucky can do something stupid, like kiss him right there, Rhodey stands from his stool and offers his hand again.

"Let's go," he says.

"What? Where?" Bucky asks, amused.

"To the dance floor. My momma says you have to dance your sorrows away, so, that's what we're doing right now, before I get more tipsy," Rhodey jokes.

Bucky grabs his hand hesitantly. "Are you sure?" he still asks.

"Yeah, we have to practice now so we can outshine Tony and Steve tomorrow," Rhodey says.

"Well, I would like to see you try," Tony jokes from their side, and when they turn he looks smugly at Rhodey. "I'm pretty sure we can beat you," he adds.

But Steve shakes his head, making a face. "Mmm no, I'm pretty sure they can dance better than us, honey. I mean, Bucky was the one who taught me in the first place..."

Bucky shrugs, looking at Tony, daring.

Tony holds the gaze for a while but then he just rolls his eyes. "Ugh, fine, whatever— did you fix it, or do I have to call off my marriage to your best friend?" he asks Bucky like Steve's not even there.

Bucky frowns. "I didn't know I was given an ultimatum."

"Well, I care more about Rhodey's happiness than my own, so," Tony says, shrugging and Steve chuckles next to him, still holding his hand.

"Okay, you can relax. We're working on it," Bucky says and Rhodey's just blinking in surprise.

"Wait, hold on, are you— _vouching_ for Bucky?" Rhodey asks Tony, then he turns to Bucky and whispers: "Am I drunk?"

All of them laugh and then move on to the dance floor, to a mix of late 80s and 90s music and at one point he's dancing with Tony instead, and then with Steve, and then back to Bucky again, who just holds him tighter than he ever had before and when they look at each other, they both know.

Their hearts beat at the rhythm of the same promise.

They're not going anywhere.

* * *

The alarm wakes him up, making his head throb unpleasantly. "Ugh," Rhodey lets out, pressing his eyes close.

On his chest, someone's rolling on him to shut the damn thing off. Rhodey opens his eyes to find Bucky almost lying entirely on top of him to reach for his phone.

Once the noise is gone, Bucky moves back to his spot with a grunt.

Rhodey doesn't open his eyes for a long second before he asks: "Did we—” and then he opens one questioning eye to Bucky.

Bucky shakes his head and grins. "Oh, no, it was much worse than that," he says and he turns his head to face him and Rhodey follows.

He missed having Bucky's shiny blue eyes being the thing he woke up to.

"I think we cuddled," Bucky says, like they committed a felony.

"Oh, no," Rhodey follows along until they're both chuckling, inches away from each other.

The light creeps just perfect enough to highlight Bucky's features and then something stings inside Rhodey's chest, when he remembers Bucky's story and all the pain and trauma he's had to endure.

He sobers up then and runs his fingertips across the side of Bucky's face, a trail of care and warmth that's all Rhodey ever wants to pour over Bucky.

"You know, as much as I would love for us to stay here all day long, I'm not so eager to have our best friends cut us off for the rest of time for not showing up to their wedding," Bucky jokes, but his eyelids are heavy under Rhodey's touch.

"Are you sure we absolutely have to go? I mean, they're gonna get married without us, anyway," Rhodey replies.

"You're telling me you're okay with Stark hating you forever?" Bucky says.

"Oh, no. I'm gonna tell him it was your idea. He already gets a kick out of hating you, so..."

"No, not anymore. We're friends now," Bucky retorts, raising his eyebrows.

Rhodey narrows his eyes at that then, remembering. "Right. One of you has to explain to me how the fuck did that happen," he says, making a face.

Bucky smiles and grabs Rhodey's hand from his face to kiss his palm. "Well, Stark and I have one thing in common," he replies, trying to be sweet.

But Rhodey can be a little shit when he wants to. "Steve," he says, nodding.

Bucky rolls his eyes. "Fine. _Two_ things."

They lean in for a kiss when Alpine jumps into the bed, their back arched down, relaxing, and meows, running their body against Rhodey's leg.

"Yeah, I missed you, too," Rhodey says, smiling at Alpine, but when he moves his hand to pet them, Alpine hisses and jumps back, to Bucky's space. "Ok, alright, it's a slow process with you, I get it."

~~

They take a cab to the church, right on time, and Pepper's right there, waiting for him. "Oh, there you are," she greets him.

"You look gorgeous," Rhodey tells Pepper in her light champagne bridesmaid dress.

"So do you— and you.” Pepper says, turning to Bucky. “Bucky, right?" 

It's then that Rhodey notices they had been holding hands since they left the car.

"Hi, you're Tony's friend, um, Virginia, right?" Bucky asks with a smile.

"Pepper's fine," she says and Bucky nods.

"Do you know if Natasha's here yet?" Bucky asks, looking around. "I'm supposed to go in with her," he adds.

"Oh, she's inside. She had an issue with her bouquet but I think she got it sorted," Pepper explains.

"Alright, I'm gonna go see her. I'll meet you inside," Bucky tells Rhodey before squeezing his hand. "Nice seeing you," he tells Pepper, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Rhodey and Pepper watch him go.

"You were right, he's still hot," Pepper mutters as soon as Bucky's out of sight.

They share a laugh when the church bells ring and Rhodey offers his arm for her. "Ready to send our boy off?" he asks her.

Pepper giggles before she leans in and goes: " _Dying_ to."

But after hearing Tony's vows, when Rhodey catches a tear rolling down Pepper's cheek, he offers her his napkin and squeezes her hand in his, both of them at their friend's back.

Across the altar, Bucky smiles tenderly at him and slowly winks an eye.

And then when it's Steve's turn to speak, Bucky just keeps his eyes down, proud of Steve but still trying to hide his own watery eyes.

~~

"Hey, you mind if I borrow him?" Rhodey reaches Bucky dancing with Sharon after Steve and Tony toasted and sliced the cake.

"Please, I was actually begging for someone to come save me from him," she jokes, letting go of Bucky's hand and nearly pushing it into Rhodey's chest, instead.

Rhodey raises his eyebrows but he doesn't take Bucky's hand just yet. "Oh, then, maybe in that case I should just run away while I can," he replies and Bucky opens his mouth, acting like he's offended.

"No, no. It's too late for you," Sharon replies and she puts her hand on their backs and pushes them closer together.

Rhodey looks at Bucky for a second before he goes: "Well, you're right about that," he says and it's both soft and snarky and Bucky can't help but smile at him.

When they embrace, Bucky can see Sharon behind Rhodey, reading 'I like him' on her lips.

Yeah, everyone likes Rhodey.

"Hey, stranger," Rhodey says, tilting his head up to meet Bucky's when a new song starts to play and they begin to sway slowly.

"Hi," Bucky replies and he grips Rhodey's hand as firmly and gently as he hopes to hold his heart.

~~

They're stumbling their way across the building hall, messily trying to reach the door of his apartment or Rhodey's— whichever comes first. That's actually Rhodey's, since it's closer to the elevator.

"You got your keys?" Bucky manages to get through his teeth, through the kiss.

Rhodey lets out a soft chuckle and pulls back. He takes Bucky's fingers in his own and slowly walks further into the hall, to Bucky's apartment instead.

Bucky frowns; it's not like they have a preference, not really. Rhodey's apartment is newer and has a great view but Bucky's got wifi and warmer water.

They stand at the door and Rhodey grabs Bucky's face with both of his hands, dropping a slow, deep kiss on his lips before he takes a step back, holding Bucky's hands in his.

"What?" Bucky asks because Rhodey looks like he just pressed the brake pedal all the way down.

"I wanna ask you something," Rhodey says, a shy smile on his face.

Bucky tries not to swallow because he really has no idea where this is going. "Okay..."

"Would you go out on a date with me— James?" Rhodey asks with a glint in his eyes when he says their name.

Like it has a whole other meaning between them.

"A date?" Bucky still asks.

"Yes, a date. You and me, a nice outing; romantic evening. Is that something you would be interested in?" Rhodey replies, amused.

Bucky sighs and looks up, like he's considering it. "I would have to check my schedule," he jokes and Rhodey shakes his head, smiling. Then he leans down and kisses Rhodey's cheek, and whispers: "I would love to— _James_."

Life is about the little steps, and how sometimes you just have to do things backwards to get them right. 


End file.
